Rocco Ancarola Rocks Lavo

This blog is not only for comedy events but also to cover the NY nightlife scene, which I think everyone agrees, is the hottest scene in the world!

This past Sunday night, nightlife impresario Rocco Ancarola rocked NYC hotspot Lavo, with the first of a regular Sunday night dinner party/party that was reminscent of the wild nights we used to spend at his place called Boom down on Spring Street, back in the day! Rocco didn’t disappoint, with a fantastic, gorgeous crowd, lots of models, and hot music. As is his usual, Rocco got up on the table to dance, and immediately ripped off his jacket, then shirt, and danced bare-chested with one of the gorgeous models.

Rocco got things heated up by ripping off his shirt, and dancing on the tables!

When I told him I was planning on attending, he told me he’d save me a table and to bring somebody “hot”, cause he knows that’s how we roll! (LOL) I came from 2 other events and got there a little later, but the party was in full swing when I arrived around 11:30, and the place was packed.

It caught on and then everyone got up on the tables to dance!

So nice to see Jayma Cardoso, and Andrew Goldberg who are also part of Lavo and make it the special place that it is. At least I know where I’ll be on Sunday nights from now on!

Andrew Goldberg leading his side of the room in raising the roof!

For many years Sunday nights were always depressing because you had to go back to school in the morning, and when I was a kid we had to watch a show called “Meet The Press” and prepare some current events thing to talk about in school. You were assigned either local news, national news, or international news, and for some reason I ALWAYS got stuck with international news, which I hated and still do! So invariably I’d try to find a story like , ” A Chinese man lost his wallet”, and try and pass that off as international news.

Now all I have to do is go to Lavo! So much easier!

The producer always gets the best girls. I think her name was Sylvia, and she's from Ecuador. I'll let you know for sure next time!

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Richard Lewis Comes To New York

If you grew up idolizing the stand-up comedy of Woody Allen, … that’s assuming you’re old enough to remember when he performed stand-up on the Ed Sullivan show, …you can understand the frustration of knowing you’ll never see him perform stand-up again.

As a performer myself, I hate to compare one to another, but in my estimation the closest you can come to the kind of humor, and level of sophistication of humor that Woody did, is the great Richard Lewis, the Master of Angst!
(He’s also the creator of the expression ” the __________ from hell”, like ” the date from hell”, ” the vacation from Hell” This man put that into the lexicon!

Richard Lewis and Jeffrey backstage at Joe's Pub after Richard's sold-out show!

I’ve known Richard for a long time and was very excited to hear that he will be headlining Carolines on Broadway from March 24th thru March 27th. It’s a rare occurrence and one not to be missed! Especially if you’ve been enjoying him on HBO’s hit show ” Curb Your Enthusiasm” for the past 8 seasons.

I have a couple of Richard Lewis stories to share.

Back around 1996 or so, Richard was starring in a film called “Drunks” with Faye Dunaway, Calista Flockhart, Sam Rockwell, Parker Posey, Dianne Wiest, Amanda Plummer and other names that were not as big then as they are today. I was always determined to write for Richard not knowing that he never allowed anyone to write for him. I had gotten my start by actually showing my very early writings to Woody Allen himself, who was starring on Broadway in “Play It Again Sam” at the time,with Tony Roberts of course, and Woody was so kind he invited me back the next night to show him more of my work.

Richard Lewis and Jeffrey Gurian backstage at Westbury

One of the reasons he did that was because I had so little knowledge of what to do, that I went backstage during intermission instead of waiting till the end of the show, and he had to go back onstage. The story of how that all came about, and how I wound up backstage in the first place will be the subject of another blog, but suffice it to say that years later when I became friendly with both Jack Rollins and the late Charlie Joffe, both of whom managed Woody’s career for many years, they were both pleasantly surprised that Woody was so nice to me. Woody actually read through my ideas, and told me I had a very visual sense of humor and should think about making films of my work.

Jack said, “Woody must have really seen something in you to have done that.” Whatever Woody saw that night it took me many years to turn those early ideas I showed him into The “Men Who” Series a series of films about men who do very unusual things, like ” Men Who Take A Pitchfork To The Movies”, “Men Who Enjoy Latin Dancing With Tools”, and “Men Who Take A Fish To Hot Clubs.” You can actually see those films on my You Tube page at http://www.youtube.com/guriannewsnetwork

Anyway, I showed up at Drunks with jokes in hand expecting to give them to Richard in hopes he would use them. I wrote it as part of what I was calling his ” Born To Be Nervous” tour, which I wanted to suggest to Richard. Aside from the “Born To Be Nervous” Tour, I suggested a couple of the following lines-

My family are firm believers in the power of negative thinking. They feel you can ruin anything if you really put your mind to it.

Low self esteem goes back in my family to the beginning of time. I actually had an uncle who was the first man to walk erect. But he couldn’t hold it. He’d take a few steps and just slump over.

I was such a shy kid, I never even had the courage to go Trick or Treating. I tried doing it over the phone.

My apartment is a problem too. I just got my new lease, turns out I’m renting it by the hour.

I don’t like to burden my shrink with my problems. He’s too sensitive. One time I told him I was leaving him, he threatened to kill himself.

I think I would have made more progress with him, but when he told me to lay back on his couch, I couldn’t do it. My mother always taught me not to put my feet up on someone else’s furniture.

And I knew that if I did it, she’d find out and feel that somehow, it would be a reflection on her.

My shrink was treating me for feelings of loneliness. At one point I was so lonely I tried to develop a split personality, just for the company.

So anyway, I felt pretty good about the jokes and ran to the theatre with them in an envelope. The problem was I had planned to get there early to try and see Richard, but I was so nervous I made myself late, and when I got there, there was already a long line of people waiting to get in.

In a panic, I by-passed the line and ran down a staircase not knowing where it would take me, and who’s coming up the staircase right towards me but Richard Lewis himself. Those kinds of things happen to me on kind of a regular basis, although I have no idea why, or what to do in those circumstances.

He looked at me and said, ” Hey, what are YOU doing here?” I’m like, ” I came to see you”, and I was so shocked to actually run into him that I almost forgot to give him the envelope with the jokes in it. Fortunately I remembered and gave it to him, even though he was on his way into the theatre to do his presentation. Most people don’t like to be carrying things with them, but I didn’t know what else to do.

After the screening he took off pretty quickly, but by the time I got home there was already a message on my phone from Richard. I think it was the nicest decline of material I ever received. He said I was talented and hilarious, and you can listen to it right here because it meant so much to me I saved it all these years. He was so kind that he called me right away. That is a very, very rare thing for anyone to do, especially a star of his calibre. ( I think his caliber is 9 millimeter, or it could be .380. They’re very close in size! LOL)

Richard Lewis Phone Call

I always wonder if I didn’t put the (LOL) would people know it’s a joke? I guess if they didn’t, it wasn’t much of a joke! (LOL)

I remember seeing Richard in Westbury, and going to see him backstage afterwards when he told me that he stopped taking his notes out onstage with him at that very performance.

I also went to see him at Joe’s Pub a few years back, and again at Comix in 2008, and he did an incredible performance, in a kind of stream-of-consciousness style that is inimitable, and what he’s known for. I was amazed that anyone could go that long, with what looked like an unprepared act, in the sense that no one could memorize such a thing, with one thought leading him to another, and I wrote to him at the time –

“No one goes that long at that pace but you, with consistently funny, material that is not an act! Despite the fact that you rarely let yourself finish a sentence, it’s hysterical. You have the “un-act!”

So needless to say, I will be at Carolines at least once during his stay, which is one show Thursday at 8:00, one show on Friday at 8:00, two on Saturday at 8:00 and 10:30 and one on Sunday at 8 P.M. For tickets call (212) 757-4100 or go to the Carolines website.

All the info you need to see Richard Lewis at Carolines!

I also hope to see him at The Friars Club for lunch, cause when I asked him if I could come see him backstage, I got this e-mail :

I have six or seven tv n radio shows
Prep
Jet lagged
Five shows
Never backstage more than two minutes be it God, Dylan or you

PERFECT!!! He lumped me in with G-d and Dylan! Come see Richard at Carolines!
S

 

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Sarah Silverman Snaps Photo of Jeffrey Gurian at Friars Club

The film poster for Peep World, an IFC film opening March 25th.

So I went to The Friars Club to see the new film “Peep World” starring Sarah Silverman, Michael C. Hall, Rainn Wilson, Taraji P. Henson, Leslie Ann Warren, Ron Rivkin, and Ben Schwartz. It was presented as part of the new film program created by Charlie Prince who also produces the very successful Friars Club Film Festival. Assistant Executive Director of The Friars, Michael Caputo made sure things ran smoothly as he always does.

Sarah Silverman and Ben Schwartz at the Q&A at The Friars Club for Peep World

Sarah attended with Ben Schwartz to do the Q&A and was accompanied by her close friend comic Todd Barry, one of the few who makes me laugh out loud!  I don’t even make ME laugh out loud, but he does!

Todd Barry and Jeffrey Gurian at Comix, BEFORE it went out of business!

I went with singer/composer Rosa Gudmundsdottir, who’s a big star in Iceland. That sounds like a strange credit unless you know that she’s actually from Iceland, because if you were from America and were only a star in Iceland, that could be a problem.  Agents might look at that as a red flag of some kind! (LOL)

Rosa may be from Iceland… but she’s a very warm person!  Iceland sounds like such a strange place to be from! I want to know things like, ” Is it ever warm in Iceland?” Is it dark there like 24 hours a day in Iceland? Can you only get cold drinks in Iceland?”

Rosa Gudmundsdottir and Jeffrey Raymondsson( my Icelandic name!) on the "step and repeat" at The Friars Club

Rosa is a very talented performer, as you can see if you go to her site http://rosagudmundsdottir.com/ She’s an exotic mix of Icelandic and Thai, and if the word gets out that that mix works, expect to see lots more of them! (LOLOL)

Knowing her makes me want to say, ” Meet me in Reykjavik honey, we have some serious partying to do!” Has that phrase ever been used by anyone in the world??? Even in Iceland???

Ron Rivkin as patriarch Meyerowitz and Alicia Witt playing his girlfriend Amy

Anyway, the movie was very funny. It’s actually a family comedy that stars the great Ron Rivkin as the head of the highly dysfunctional Meyerowitz family. Sarah plays Cheri, the only sister to three brothers, pursued for 8 years by a funny Orthodox Jewish character played by Stephen Tobolofsky.

Stephen Tobolofsky and Sarah Silverman onscreen in Peep World

Ben Schwartz plays Nathan the youngest brother who destroyed the family by writing a tell-all about their lives. Cheri is suing Nathan for ruining her life. They all get together once a year for their father’s birthday and they all seem to hate each other.

Rainn Wilson looks totally different with a beard, and plays a total loser who’s being hounded by loan sharks for money he owes them. He’s dating Taraji P. Henson, who’s totally hot and looks nothing like the old woman she played in Benjamin Button. I really thought she was an old woman! Shows you how much I know!!!

Siblings played by Sarah Silverman, Michael C. Hall, Ben Schwartz, and Rainn Wilson

Alicia Witt who I had met in New York some years ago, plays Amy, Ron Rivkin’s young girlfriend who defends him to his family.  She was so striking and so dedicated to her craft that I always knew she’d be successful, so I’m never surprised when I see her in something big.

One funny scene is when for some unknown reason, on his way to a book signing, Ben stops off for a Viagra-type injection and winds up with an erection that won’t go away. He has to show up and try to face an audience while hiding it as best he can, but he’s in agony, and his portrayal is hysterical. Fortunately in a fantasty-like solution, his ultra-hot P.R. assistant played by Kate Mara offers to help him get rid of it the “old-fashioned” way, … and it works!

She even offers to attend the father’s birthday party with him, as long as he doesn’t introduce her as his girlfriend. Very empowering to women! She helped him out, strictly out of the kindness of her heart!

The film screened at the Toronto and Austin film fests last fall, and IFC Films will release it March 25. So Ben and Sarah showed up at The Friars to do a Q&A after the film. Sarah’s so above all that. She never seems comfortable with that kind of stuff.

Sarah Silverman holding the i-Phone with which she proceeded to take my picture!

But while they were in front of the room answering questions, and people were snapping photos of her, she took out her camera and said, ” I’m gonna take a picture of Jeffrey Gurian”, and snapped a photo of me sitting up front. It was very unexpected, and very funny. I hope somebody was shooting video so I can get a copy!  Michael Caputo, I’m calling you about this!!! (LOL)

Then I decided to ask my own question for the Q&A, so I asked Ben how he prepared for the erection scene, and he said he was very proud of his erection work, and tried to stay hard for a few weeks in order to prepare.

It was a fun evening and I look forward to attending the next film that Charlie has coming up.

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Mike DeStefano's Funeral

I wasn’t able to attend the wake for Mike DeStefano so I got up extra early and made my way to St. Benedict’s Church in the Bronx, to pay my respects at his funeral.

There’s always something a little surreal about being at the funeral of someone you knew, especially when that person was relatively young, and left suddenly, in an untimely manner.  It’s hard to picture them laying there lifeless in a box, and that you’ll never see them again.

And Clergymen of all religions speak of the day when we will all be reunited in Heaven, as his Priest did when he said that Mike was now reunited with his Dad and his wife, but although those thoughts give us a  modicum of comfort, there’s still the reality to be dealt with that that person is gone from this plane, and we won’t be seeing them again.  It’s very strange.

It reminded me of the passing of my good friend Phil Hartman, who was killed in his sleep.  I was out in LA at the time and had just spoken to Phil a couple of days before his murder.  He invited me to come and visit with him and his wife Brynne that very weekend in Malibu.  I recall asking him the best way to drive to his house, and trying my best to write down the directions.  There was no GPS in those days, at least not on the rental car that I had.

For whatever reason I wasn’t able to go, but I had already told my Mom that I was going to visit Phil over the weekend.  Then when the terrible news came out, I found out from my mother, who woke me up early in the morning with the question, “Oh my G-d, are you alright?”

I was used to her being over-protective, but when I asked her why she sounded so upset, she told me what had happened to Phil, and said the initial reports were that two men were killed at Phil Hartman’s house during what looked like a robbery, and she was afraid I was one of those men.

Phil Hartman and Jeffrey Gurian at Jeffrey's piano circa 1992

After assuring her I was still alive, I did my best to process this tragedy. As the day unfurled and the facts came out, it hit me really hard that I could no longer call my buddy Phil, and I actually called his phone several times to hear his voice.  It took a few days until they turned it off.  I couldn’t comprehend what had happened to him and that I’d never speak to him again.

Then the crazy thought hit me that he didn’t know he was dead.  And I don’t mean this in any way as a joke.  I would never do that.  I’m very serious.  He went to bed fully expecting to wake up the next day as always, but he never woke up.  I was haunted by the thought of what his mind might be thinking.  That somewhere in his consciousness, he was still expecting to wake up, because he had no idea he was dead.

 

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Cherished Feet Charity Event With Richie Rich

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/03/cherished-feet-charity-event-at-copia/

Karen Koeningsberg is a young Manhattan socialite who wants to make a difference.  She founded “Cherished Feet”, a non-profit organization that collects shoes for homeless and indigent people in different parts of the world. She recently did a shoe drive for Haiti.  This night, she was collecting shoes for NYC’s homeless population.

Jeffrey with Karen Koeningsberg of "Cherished Feet" at Copia

I first met Karen when I was hosting the red carpet for the opening of the huge Forever 21 store in Manhattan, and she came with actress Jamie Hilfiger.

Jamie Hilfiger and Jeffrey at a party in Manhattan.

I saw her again this past New Year’s Eve when I was hosting the red carpet for a big fashion event at the Nexus Townhouse on East 58th Street, and once again she came to walk the red carpet.  This time she told me about her charity and I told her I would love to be helpful in any way I could.

Jeffrey and Karen Koeningsberg on the red carpet for a Red Cross fashion benefit on NYE

The event was at Copia, a really nice place right near me on East 53rd Street.  It’s so rare when anything cool is held on the Upper East Side, but very welcome.  I found some very “newish”, shoes I had to donate, which gave me more room in my closet to get shoes I don’t need, and I literally walked around the corner to Copia.

Singer Baiyu Chen and Jeffrey at the Cherished Feet event at Copia

The place was packed with lots of fun stylish people, including songstress Baiyu Chen, journalist Farah Sarafa, Marie Delus from The Mayor’s office, Portuguese TV star Jose Castelo Branco, Heather Jones from Ritzy Rich, (www.ritzyrich.com) and Stacy Kessler from Millionaire Matchmaker.  Internationally known designer Richie Rich was there, who I had just seen during Fashion Week, at a great show at the Audi Forum.

Stacy Kessler from Millionaire Matchmaker and Jeffrey at Copia

Richie is good friends with Ryan Colby from Colby Models, and I am co-producing a new reality show with Alycia Kaback of VIP Talent Connect, called Model Diaries, focussed on Colby models, and 7 models aspiring models we will be grooming for stardom.

Jeffrey Gurian with Richie Rich at the Audi Forum during Fashion Week

Karen’s event was a big success and she was assisted by her staff of fantastic people including Christine Poopatana, Lindsey McCormick, Lucy Karpilovskaya, and Stephanie Kovacs, who enjoyed writing with my big pen.

A Lucy and Stephie Kovacs sandwich with Jeffrey as "the meat"! ( He should be so lucky! LOL)

Stephanie Kovacs having fun with Jeffrey's big pen!

It was also Richie Rich’s birthday, so Karen surprised him with a cake, and we all went off our diets to have a piece.

Richie Rich cutting his birthday cake.

Karen, we wish you luck in bringing your dream to fruition.

Make sure to also check out this piece in Scallywag and Vagabond. The link is attached above, and again down here!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/03/cherished-feet-charity-event-at-copia/

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Comedy Central's Donald Trump Roast

Last night at Manhattan Center on West 34th Street Comedy Central went all out on the Roast of Donald Trump. Even The Donald said they paid him a lot of money to encourage him to subject himself to another Roast, after he survived the one from The Friars Club.

He’s donating all the money to charity. I happened to see him just before the Friars Roast and he asked me,” Do you think I’ll be able to handle it?” And I said to him, ” Donald, if anyone can it’s YOU!”

So it was candy-filled gold coins, gold balloons on the ceiling, gold lame pillow cushions wherever you sat. It was all about money and rightfully so when you’re talking about The Donald, one of the most well known billionaires on the planet.

Donald Trump making a point at his Comedy Central Roast.

As you might imagine it drew a star studded audience, starting with Doug Herzog who you will see me talking to in the video that’s coming in the next few days. Doug is currently serving as President of MTV Networks Entertainment Group. Among other things, he is credited with bringing South Park, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report to Viacom’s Comedy Central, and he’s a good friend of my buddy Richie Tienken, who owns The Comic Strip, which is how I met Doug, when he came to an event at The Strip.

 

RIchie Tienken, Doug Herzog, and Bob Wachs at The Comic Strip

On the dais were Whitney Cummings, Snoop Dogg, Anthony Jeselnik, Larry King, Lisa Lampanelli, Marlee Matlin, Mike ” The Situation” Sorrentino, and Jeffrey Ross. Also in attendance were Ivanka Trump, Russell Simmons, John Legend, Donald’s beautiful wife Melania, and Comedy Central executive, V.P. JoAnn Grigioni.

Aileen Budow, the head of press, was in charge of running the red carpet which she did so well, ( as always!) and was helped by newcomer to Comedy Central,  Eve Kenny.

JoAnn Grigioni, Jeffrey Gurian, and Jeffrey Ross at the after-party for the Trump Roast at Gotham Hall

I was hoping to see my buddy Don Trump Jr. who once told me that he appreciated the fact that when I wrote about him, I didn’t write anything snarky.

The beautiful Melania Trump enjoying seeing her husband Donald taking a severe beating!

I explained to him that I only like to put positive energy out to the world. There’s enough negative energy out there without me having to add to it, and that led to us becoming friends.

One night at an event where his father was present, he suggested to me that I don’t do something I was planning to do. I have this thing where I like to go up to a very rich man, and in the process of thanking him for something, fold a dollar into his hand as if I was giving him a tip. They call it ” palming” the guy. Something you might do to a doorman, not a billionaire. And it always strikes me funny, and after the initial shock of being tipped a single dollar, they usually think it’s funny too.

So when I told Don Jr. I wanted to do that to his Dad, he cautioned me against it. He said he wasn’t sure how well it would go over, and I took his word for it, and didn’t do it. Every once in a while, I listen to another person. Not often, … but every once in a while.

Anyway, when I write about comedy shows or performers, if I don’t like what you do, I just don’t write about it. I don’t write negative things, because as a performer myself, I really respect how hard it is for anyone to get out on stage and try to make people laugh. Some people just do it better than others. But it’s basically the hardest thing in the world to do.

I saw a well known performer at the South Beach Comedy Festival last year who did a show that actually made me angry. That’s how much I hated it. But when I wrote my column, I bit my tongue and didn’t mention it at all. His audience seemed to like it, but I thought it was so bad I actually left in a bad mood, and it stayed with me for a while.

That being said, Mike ‘The Situation” Sorrentino found himself in a very difficult situation to say the least. Having to compete with hardened, experienced comics is basically impossible, but he kept laughing through the whole, painful thing, which is how I am characterizing his set. You have to give the guy credit for even attempting something so difficult.

Finally Jeffrey Ross jumped up and gave him a few pointers on camera. I’m sure that will be edited out, as will a good portion of the Sitch’s performance. I wonder if he used the Comedy Central writers.  I ran into two of them, Kevin Schini and my buddy Jesse Joyce.

Roast writers Kevin Schini (L) and my buddy Jesse Joyce.

it was so great to see Lisa Lampanelli. I LOVE Lisa Lampanelli and when she saw me and went to introduce me to her husband Jimmy, she actually remembered he and I had already met, which was very interesting to me. She said, ” you guys met at my book party at Carolines.” It was for her book,”Chocolate Please!- My Adventures In Food, Fat, and Freaks” which I think came out in 2009. She remembered that I came out to support her, which I think is very important to do for your friends. You need to get out and support people in their efforts.

Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey at the Comedy Central Donald Trump Roast

And it shows how people remember those things, because I didn’t think she would. And she was right. I did meet Jimmy that day and they weren’t married yet, just engaged, but we all took pictures together, so we could prove she was dating someone white, (LOL).

It really shows how some people appreciate and remember those who come out to support them. And hopefully she’ll drop by my fundraiser to fight Diabetes on April 14th ay 8 P.M. at The Comic Strip. She said if she was in town she’d be glad to come.

Big Jimmy and Little Lisa at the Donald Trump Roast at the Manhattan Center

Some of the highlights:

Seth on Trump – Now there’s a Donald Trump cologne that never fails with women. You pour it on a cloth and hold it over her face until she stops struggling.

Seth on Lisa Lampanelli – Lisa recently appeared on The View, and blocked it! ( Lisa by the way looks fantastic. She must have lost a hundred pounds, and is blonde and pretty, and she has her new husband Jimmy with her at all times. Jimmy is like a building with clothing. He’s a really big guy, and they look great and very happy together.)

The very competent and confident Seth MacFarlane who was the Roast Master for the Donald Trump Roast.

Seth on Larry King – Seth referred to Larry as ” a chattering pirate skeleton, on loan from Disneyland.”

Lisa led off the Roast which is a hard place to be, but she killed it as always. She referrred to Anthony Jeselnek as Anthony Jism-neck, and Seth said that Anthony was only there because Greg Giraldo was dead. On the red carpet, Anthony told me he wrote for the Roast last year, and this year got a chance to perform.

Lisa on Jeff Ross – Jeff is in as much demand as the treadmill in Zsa Zsa Gabor’s house.

Jeffrey Ross sporting a hairstyle stranger than mine! He looks like Moammar Khadaffy did his hair, using his hat to guide the shape.

Lisa on Trump – You’ve ruined more women’s lives than Bulimia.

Lisa on The Situation – The Situation wrote a book which is being sold on Amazon. When you bring up the book it says, ” People who have bought this book have also bought a rope and a stool.”

Larry King looked almost too thin to speak. He referred to Lisa Lampanelli as Lisa Lumpbelly.

Larry On Lisa – She’s a shock comic, but only if you look at her face!

Larry on Snoop – Snoop had a DNA test and found out he’s only 71% black. That means he’s 29% not guilty!

Snoop referred to Lisa as Notorious P.I.G. which was hysterical, and referred to Anthony Jeselnik as “Anthony Jizzleneck”.

Snoop on Anthony – The last time I saw him on the mic he forgot to order my Chicken McNuggets.

Snoop on Donald – He’s rich but very cheap. The last check ( Czech) he ever picked up was Ivana!

Snoop on Donald – He wants the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he put a Black family out of their house.

Seth on The Situation – We wanna thank The Pope for that marvelous speech.

Seth on Whitney Cummings – She wrote a new book ” How To Succeed in Business Without Really Swallowing.”

Anthony Jeselnik is a great joke writer. He said, “Look at this dais. You got a pimp, a drug dealer, a pornographer, a murderer, and 8 white people.”

Anthony on Larry King – Larry’s so old, he’s actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

Anthony on The Sitch – Mike Sorrentino, sometimes known as The Situation. Never known as The Education. He has a book, a video, a tanning salon, … he has his name on everything but a high school diploma.

Marlee Matlin is on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice, and she is so charming and beautiful. When I interviewed her on the red carpet she had a “signer” who translated everything she said so fast you’d think she was speaking. He also sat next to her on the dais translating every dirty word!

Marlee Matlin and her new signer Gilbert Gottfried. She can't hear and he can't see because his eyes are always closed!

Marlee on Jeff Ross – You’re like bedbugs. People can’t get rid of you and they scream when they see you in bed!

Marlee on Lisa – We have a lot in common. I won an Academy Award and you won for Best in Breed at The County Fair.

In the middle of her set, Marlee’s signer walked off as if he was angry and was replaced by my favorite comedian in the world, Gilbert Gottfried. Gilbert just has to show up to be hysterical, and his jokes are always like depth charges. They destroy the room!

Jeffrey Ross closed the show and came out wearing a signature jacket befitting the Roastmaster General. with medals and epaulets, and something about it reminded me of something that Georgie Jessel might have worn. I’m concerned that no one will know who Georgie Jessel is.  He was a comedian during The Civil War.  I think his original name was Georgie Jeselnik, but he changed it to Jessel for show business reasons.

Jeffrey to Russell Simmons – Are you here for the Roast or to sign Marlee Matlin to Def Comedy Jam? ( Note – She’s deaf! )

Russell Simmons and his date enjoying the festivities at The Donald Trump Roast.

Jeffrey on Larry King – The first time he did an interview in Egypt was with Moses. He plans to spend his retirement opening a jar! ( Hysterical!)

Jeffrey on Whitney – ( Whitney by the way is the brunt of a lot of sex jokes in which she plays “the slut”! She’s a sexy girl who seems to do it naturally!) Whitney is working on three pilots at the same time, and that was just on the flight in!

Jeffrey on The Situation – We should call you “The Penetration.” I’m waiting for “The Cancellation!” I heard you’re shooting the next season of Jersey Shore in Italy. I hope that’s just a sneaky way of deporting you!

And finally The Donald got his turn and had some really funny things to say. Btw, I hope he runs for President. I think he’d be amazing, and would put the country back on track. That being said, …

Trump – What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight!

Trump about the dais – Look at this dais. None of these people can even get arrested, .. except for Snoop Dogg.

It was a great fun night and I can’t wait to show you all the video as soon it’s done being edited.

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Frankie Pace on Sundays At The Comic Strip

http://www.alovablemadman.com/NewsPress.html

I’ve known Frankie Pace for so many years, maybe since I started writing comedy, back in the days when jokes were first invented. He’s always been HYSTERICAL. I’ll never forget the “birth” thing he does when he pushed his bald head through a hole in a blanket, as if he’s a new born infant, pushing his way into the world.

Now he’s doing a weekly 5:30 P.M. one man show called ” A Lovable Madman” at the legendary club The Comic Strip” at 1568 2nd Avenue between 81st and 82nd Street. The show is directed by Ian Finkel, son of the great Fyvush Finkel, and I don’t like to wish time away, but I wish it was Sunday already so I could go and see it myself!

I always wanted to do a one-man show myself, but I could never figure out who that one man should be!

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Fun Night At Goldman/McCormick

Ryan McCormick and Mark Goldman have a P.R. company aptly named Goldman/McCormick, which should really be named Goldman/McCormick’s Super-Incredible Fantastical Magical P.R. Company, but they couldn’t get all that on the business cards.  Every so often they do an event at their offices on West 38th Street, ( 34 W. 38th, 5th Floor).

Tonight they did an event centered around a client’s book called Joe Dimaggio- The Long Vigil, but I wouldn’t care if they were doing an event around a coloring book! I know if it’s a Goldman/McCormick event I have to show up because it will always be a fun, spectacular event packed with interesting people. And tonight was no exception.

I ran into Bob Bowdon, an on-air reporter for The Onion News Network, which runs on the IFC Channel, Friday nights at 10 P.M. I had last seen Bob down at Soho House a few weeks back when he debuted the trailer for his hit documentary film “The Cartel”, which is about corruption in public education.

Bob Bowden and Jeffrey Gurian on the step and repeat at Goldman/McCormick

Anyone who knows me knows I love comedy news and always have. There’s something about news, and the cadence of news, and probably the absurdity of most news that lends itself to comedy, which is why SNL has been doing a News Update since the Civil War. I had the honor of writing for the legendary Weekly World News, where I had my own column called “Gurian’s World of the Bizarre” where I got to write stories like “Rare Virus Sweeps Japan, Victims Too Weak To Bow”, and ” Man Impaled On Spike Still Shows Up For Work On Time.”

 

The Onion guys actually told me they were fans of Weekly World News. Unfortunately it’s no longer in existence, but fortunately for me, … I am. Bob told me that virtually all of the Onion on-air newscasters were once serious newspeople doing real news on TV.  Bob humself was a reporter on Bloomberg TV doing boring business news until 2006, when his agent submitted him for the Onion gig.

Bob used to do his Bloomberg gig from the Nasdaq Market site on 43rd Street and Broadway, which is now the site for the new late night TV show “All Night With Joey Reynolds” on NBC New York Nonstop. When I walked into the party the first thing Bob said to me was, ” you’re not gonna believe this, but I saw you the other night on Joey Reynolds’ new TV show.”  Turns out he’s doing the show next week.  it’s a great show on M-F, from midnight to 2 A.M., channel 161 on Time Warner in Manhattan, but seen on all cable providers.

I’ll do more on Joey Reynolds in a another posting!  Stay tuned!

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