Comedy Central's Donald Trump Roast

Last night at Manhattan Center on West 34th Street Comedy Central went all out on the Roast of Donald Trump. Even The Donald said they paid him a lot of money to encourage him to subject himself to another Roast, after he survived the one from The Friars Club.

He’s donating all the money to charity. I happened to see him just before the Friars Roast and he asked me,” Do you think I’ll be able to handle it?” And I said to him, ” Donald, if anyone can it’s YOU!”

So it was candy-filled gold coins, gold balloons on the ceiling, gold lame pillow cushions wherever you sat. It was all about money and rightfully so when you’re talking about The Donald, one of the most well known billionaires on the planet.

Donald Trump making a point at his Comedy Central Roast.

As you might imagine it drew a star studded audience, starting with Doug Herzog who you will see me talking to in the video that’s coming in the next few days. Doug is currently serving as President of MTV Networks Entertainment Group. Among other things, he is credited with bringing South Park, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report to Viacom’s Comedy Central, and he’s a good friend of my buddy Richie Tienken, who owns The Comic Strip, which is how I met Doug, when he came to an event at The Strip.

 

RIchie Tienken, Doug Herzog, and Bob Wachs at The Comic Strip

On the dais were Whitney Cummings, Snoop Dogg, Anthony Jeselnik, Larry King, Lisa Lampanelli, Marlee Matlin, Mike ” The Situation” Sorrentino, and Jeffrey Ross. Also in attendance were Ivanka Trump, Russell Simmons, John Legend, Donald’s beautiful wife Melania, and Comedy Central executive, V.P. JoAnn Grigioni.

Aileen Budow, the head of press, was in charge of running the red carpet which she did so well, ( as always!) and was helped by newcomer to Comedy Central,  Eve Kenny.

JoAnn Grigioni, Jeffrey Gurian, and Jeffrey Ross at the after-party for the Trump Roast at Gotham Hall

I was hoping to see my buddy Don Trump Jr. who once told me that he appreciated the fact that when I wrote about him, I didn’t write anything snarky.

The beautiful Melania Trump enjoying seeing her husband Donald taking a severe beating!

I explained to him that I only like to put positive energy out to the world. There’s enough negative energy out there without me having to add to it, and that led to us becoming friends.

One night at an event where his father was present, he suggested to me that I don’t do something I was planning to do. I have this thing where I like to go up to a very rich man, and in the process of thanking him for something, fold a dollar into his hand as if I was giving him a tip. They call it ” palming” the guy. Something you might do to a doorman, not a billionaire. And it always strikes me funny, and after the initial shock of being tipped a single dollar, they usually think it’s funny too.

So when I told Don Jr. I wanted to do that to his Dad, he cautioned me against it. He said he wasn’t sure how well it would go over, and I took his word for it, and didn’t do it. Every once in a while, I listen to another person. Not often, … but every once in a while.

Anyway, when I write about comedy shows or performers, if I don’t like what you do, I just don’t write about it. I don’t write negative things, because as a performer myself, I really respect how hard it is for anyone to get out on stage and try to make people laugh. Some people just do it better than others. But it’s basically the hardest thing in the world to do.

I saw a well known performer at the South Beach Comedy Festival last year who did a show that actually made me angry. That’s how much I hated it. But when I wrote my column, I bit my tongue and didn’t mention it at all. His audience seemed to like it, but I thought it was so bad I actually left in a bad mood, and it stayed with me for a while.

That being said, Mike ‘The Situation” Sorrentino found himself in a very difficult situation to say the least. Having to compete with hardened, experienced comics is basically impossible, but he kept laughing through the whole, painful thing, which is how I am characterizing his set. You have to give the guy credit for even attempting something so difficult.

Finally Jeffrey Ross jumped up and gave him a few pointers on camera. I’m sure that will be edited out, as will a good portion of the Sitch’s performance. I wonder if he used the Comedy Central writers.  I ran into two of them, Kevin Schini and my buddy Jesse Joyce.

Roast writers Kevin Schini (L) and my buddy Jesse Joyce.

it was so great to see Lisa Lampanelli. I LOVE Lisa Lampanelli and when she saw me and went to introduce me to her husband Jimmy, she actually remembered he and I had already met, which was very interesting to me. She said, ” you guys met at my book party at Carolines.” It was for her book,”Chocolate Please!- My Adventures In Food, Fat, and Freaks” which I think came out in 2009. She remembered that I came out to support her, which I think is very important to do for your friends. You need to get out and support people in their efforts.

Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey at the Comedy Central Donald Trump Roast

And it shows how people remember those things, because I didn’t think she would. And she was right. I did meet Jimmy that day and they weren’t married yet, just engaged, but we all took pictures together, so we could prove she was dating someone white, (LOL).

It really shows how some people appreciate and remember those who come out to support them. And hopefully she’ll drop by my fundraiser to fight Diabetes on April 14th ay 8 P.M. at The Comic Strip. She said if she was in town she’d be glad to come.

Big Jimmy and Little Lisa at the Donald Trump Roast at the Manhattan Center

Some of the highlights:

Seth on Trump – Now there’s a Donald Trump cologne that never fails with women. You pour it on a cloth and hold it over her face until she stops struggling.

Seth on Lisa Lampanelli – Lisa recently appeared on The View, and blocked it! ( Lisa by the way looks fantastic. She must have lost a hundred pounds, and is blonde and pretty, and she has her new husband Jimmy with her at all times. Jimmy is like a building with clothing. He’s a really big guy, and they look great and very happy together.)

The very competent and confident Seth MacFarlane who was the Roast Master for the Donald Trump Roast.

Seth on Larry King – Seth referred to Larry as ” a chattering pirate skeleton, on loan from Disneyland.”

Lisa led off the Roast which is a hard place to be, but she killed it as always. She referrred to Anthony Jeselnek as Anthony Jism-neck, and Seth said that Anthony was only there because Greg Giraldo was dead. On the red carpet, Anthony told me he wrote for the Roast last year, and this year got a chance to perform.

Lisa on Jeff Ross – Jeff is in as much demand as the treadmill in Zsa Zsa Gabor’s house.

Jeffrey Ross sporting a hairstyle stranger than mine! He looks like Moammar Khadaffy did his hair, using his hat to guide the shape.

Lisa on Trump – You’ve ruined more women’s lives than Bulimia.

Lisa on The Situation – The Situation wrote a book which is being sold on Amazon. When you bring up the book it says, ” People who have bought this book have also bought a rope and a stool.”

Larry King looked almost too thin to speak. He referred to Lisa Lampanelli as Lisa Lumpbelly.

Larry On Lisa – She’s a shock comic, but only if you look at her face!

Larry on Snoop – Snoop had a DNA test and found out he’s only 71% black. That means he’s 29% not guilty!

Snoop referred to Lisa as Notorious P.I.G. which was hysterical, and referred to Anthony Jeselnik as “Anthony Jizzleneck”.

Snoop on Anthony – The last time I saw him on the mic he forgot to order my Chicken McNuggets.

Snoop on Donald – He’s rich but very cheap. The last check ( Czech) he ever picked up was Ivana!

Snoop on Donald – He wants the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he put a Black family out of their house.

Seth on The Situation – We wanna thank The Pope for that marvelous speech.

Seth on Whitney Cummings – She wrote a new book ” How To Succeed in Business Without Really Swallowing.”

Anthony Jeselnik is a great joke writer. He said, “Look at this dais. You got a pimp, a drug dealer, a pornographer, a murderer, and 8 white people.”

Anthony on Larry King – Larry’s so old, he’s actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

Anthony on The Sitch – Mike Sorrentino, sometimes known as The Situation. Never known as The Education. He has a book, a video, a tanning salon, … he has his name on everything but a high school diploma.

Marlee Matlin is on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice, and she is so charming and beautiful. When I interviewed her on the red carpet she had a “signer” who translated everything she said so fast you’d think she was speaking. He also sat next to her on the dais translating every dirty word!

Marlee Matlin and her new signer Gilbert Gottfried. She can't hear and he can't see because his eyes are always closed!

Marlee on Jeff Ross – You’re like bedbugs. People can’t get rid of you and they scream when they see you in bed!

Marlee on Lisa – We have a lot in common. I won an Academy Award and you won for Best in Breed at The County Fair.

In the middle of her set, Marlee’s signer walked off as if he was angry and was replaced by my favorite comedian in the world, Gilbert Gottfried. Gilbert just has to show up to be hysterical, and his jokes are always like depth charges. They destroy the room!

Jeffrey Ross closed the show and came out wearing a signature jacket befitting the Roastmaster General. with medals and epaulets, and something about it reminded me of something that Georgie Jessel might have worn. I’m concerned that no one will know who Georgie Jessel is.  He was a comedian during The Civil War.  I think his original name was Georgie Jeselnik, but he changed it to Jessel for show business reasons.

Jeffrey to Russell Simmons – Are you here for the Roast or to sign Marlee Matlin to Def Comedy Jam? ( Note – She’s deaf! )

Russell Simmons and his date enjoying the festivities at The Donald Trump Roast.

Jeffrey on Larry King – The first time he did an interview in Egypt was with Moses. He plans to spend his retirement opening a jar! ( Hysterical!)

Jeffrey on Whitney – ( Whitney by the way is the brunt of a lot of sex jokes in which she plays “the slut”! She’s a sexy girl who seems to do it naturally!) Whitney is working on three pilots at the same time, and that was just on the flight in!

Jeffrey on The Situation – We should call you “The Penetration.” I’m waiting for “The Cancellation!” I heard you’re shooting the next season of Jersey Shore in Italy. I hope that’s just a sneaky way of deporting you!

And finally The Donald got his turn and had some really funny things to say. Btw, I hope he runs for President. I think he’d be amazing, and would put the country back on track. That being said, …

Trump – What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight!

Trump about the dais – Look at this dais. None of these people can even get arrested, .. except for Snoop Dogg.

It was a great fun night and I can’t wait to show you all the video as soon it’s done being edited.

Please add your comments and follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/jeffreygurian

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Frankie Pace on Sundays At The Comic Strip

http://www.alovablemadman.com/NewsPress.html

I’ve known Frankie Pace for so many years, maybe since I started writing comedy, back in the days when jokes were first invented. He’s always been HYSTERICAL. I’ll never forget the “birth” thing he does when he pushed his bald head through a hole in a blanket, as if he’s a new born infant, pushing his way into the world.

Now he’s doing a weekly 5:30 P.M. one man show called ” A Lovable Madman” at the legendary club The Comic Strip” at 1568 2nd Avenue between 81st and 82nd Street. The show is directed by Ian Finkel, son of the great Fyvush Finkel, and I don’t like to wish time away, but I wish it was Sunday already so I could go and see it myself!

I always wanted to do a one-man show myself, but I could never figure out who that one man should be!

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Fun Night At Goldman/McCormick

Ryan McCormick and Mark Goldman have a P.R. company aptly named Goldman/McCormick, which should really be named Goldman/McCormick’s Super-Incredible Fantastical Magical P.R. Company, but they couldn’t get all that on the business cards.  Every so often they do an event at their offices on West 38th Street, ( 34 W. 38th, 5th Floor).

Tonight they did an event centered around a client’s book called Joe Dimaggio- The Long Vigil, but I wouldn’t care if they were doing an event around a coloring book! I know if it’s a Goldman/McCormick event I have to show up because it will always be a fun, spectacular event packed with interesting people. And tonight was no exception.

I ran into Bob Bowdon, an on-air reporter for The Onion News Network, which runs on the IFC Channel, Friday nights at 10 P.M. I had last seen Bob down at Soho House a few weeks back when he debuted the trailer for his hit documentary film “The Cartel”, which is about corruption in public education.

Bob Bowden and Jeffrey Gurian on the step and repeat at Goldman/McCormick

Anyone who knows me knows I love comedy news and always have. There’s something about news, and the cadence of news, and probably the absurdity of most news that lends itself to comedy, which is why SNL has been doing a News Update since the Civil War. I had the honor of writing for the legendary Weekly World News, where I had my own column called “Gurian’s World of the Bizarre” where I got to write stories like “Rare Virus Sweeps Japan, Victims Too Weak To Bow”, and ” Man Impaled On Spike Still Shows Up For Work On Time.”

 

The Onion guys actually told me they were fans of Weekly World News. Unfortunately it’s no longer in existence, but fortunately for me, … I am. Bob told me that virtually all of the Onion on-air newscasters were once serious newspeople doing real news on TV.  Bob humself was a reporter on Bloomberg TV doing boring business news until 2006, when his agent submitted him for the Onion gig.

Bob used to do his Bloomberg gig from the Nasdaq Market site on 43rd Street and Broadway, which is now the site for the new late night TV show “All Night With Joey Reynolds” on NBC New York Nonstop. When I walked into the party the first thing Bob said to me was, ” you’re not gonna believe this, but I saw you the other night on Joey Reynolds’ new TV show.”  Turns out he’s doing the show next week.  it’s a great show on M-F, from midnight to 2 A.M., channel 161 on Time Warner in Manhattan, but seen on all cable providers.

I’ll do more on Joey Reynolds in a another posting!  Stay tuned!

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Oscars of Gaga – Lady Gaga Parody of The Oscars

Internet sensation Lauren Francesca, who plays Lady Gaga in the super-successful Key of Awesome parodies,( 27 million hits and rising)

filmed a parody of Lady Gaga in all of the Oscar nominated films, True Grit, The Fighter, 127 Hours, Black Swan, and The King’s Speech.
Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters is in The King’s Speech playing the Lionel Logue character.

Jeffrey Gurian also works with stutterers teaching them the technique he created to cure himself of a severe stutter. If you or anyone you know stutters, have them read this page and if it makes sense to them, they can contact Jeffrey directly through his website.

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Comedy Matters on the Red Carpet at the WGA Awards 2011

On the Red Carpet at the WGA Awards 2011

Jeffrey Gurian from Comedy Matters spoke to lots of fun celebs at the Writers Guild Awards, 2/5/11

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Mike DeStefano Left The Stage

The first time I ever remember seeing Mike DeStefano was at a small show at P.J. Landers club, Comedy Village. Maybe he was working out some new stuff, but I wasn’t that impressed. He just seemed angry and spoke about every topic I didn’t think was funny. I had a visceral reaction to his performance and it wasn’t good.

Then I started seeing him perform around town and thought he must have had a twin cause the guy I was seeing now was REALLY funny. By the time he got Last Comic Standing I had a feeling he might win. I had written about him several times in Comedy Matters, and I looked forward to seeing him perform whenever I could.

I know he was a favorite at The Comic Strip, and owner Richie Tienken really liked him and wanted to do something special with him, using the club as his base.

Now none of that can happen. It was so weird seeing the tape of him being judged by Greg Giraldo, and realizing that they’re both gone. They’re up there with Robert Schimmel, Rich Jeni, Bill Hicks, and Mitch Hedberg probably making spirits laugh and just goofing around.

Rest in Peace Mike. You will be missed!

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New Issue of Comedy Matters-2/14/11-Judah Friedlander, Nick Kroll, Amy Schumer, Rachel Feinstein & Many More!

Comic Strip Action

The Key of Awesome ( www.thekeyofawesome.com ) makes comedy video parodies. Their Kesha parody of her hit song Tik Tok got 63,000,000 views ( that’s not a typo!) and still rising.

Their Lady Gaga video parodies get around 20 million hits plus and the star of those videos is Lauren Francesca, who has gotten over 150 million hits on all of her videos combined. This numbers are staggering, when you think that most comics would be thrilled with 100,000 hits on something they posted.

The Key of Awesome’s main players are founders Ben Relles, director Tom Small, and writer/performer Mark Douglas. You have to see Mark as Lord Gaga. The man is brilliant!

So why am I telling you all this? Because The Comic Strip will be the site for the presentation of the new video I created for the launch of Lauren Francesca’s new channel, which launched on Valentine’s Day.

Jeffrey and Lauren Francesca as Besame Mucho, wearing color-coordinated outfits, on the set of “The Academy of Oral Skills."

In this film, (one of a series I am creating for her!), featuring the Comic Strip’s own Ray Ellin, Lauren plays a hot Latina named Besame Mucho who has been voted by three major men’s magazines, as “the best kisser in the world.”

She runs a kissing school for women, who need to improve their oral skills. It’s called “The Academy of Oral Skills” and she runs a tough class where she teaches women rare oral exercises like tongue push-ups, trapeze swinging by your tongue, and other assorted skills. The problem is that when You Tube saw “Oral Skills” they flagged it as possibly being too sexual when there’s nothing in it but kissing!

Mark Douglas from The Key of Awesome being pinned to a wall by an oral student’s tongue.

Even with the flagging we got 27,000 plus hits in only the first five days, and it was rated #1 on You Tube as the most subscribed, and watched comedy for the week. You can check out the film at http://www.youtube.com/iwantmylauren#p/a/u/1/yl-hgzCXOXQ

World Champion Hangs at World Champion Club

Several nights a week you can find World Champion of everything, Judah Friedlander, hanging out at The Strip, waiting to do a spot. Not that he has to wait. He could go on whenever he wants but he enjoys the hang.

Judah came in recently in the afternoon to do an interview for the book I’m doing with Richie Tienken, owner and founder of The Strip, for the 35th anniversary of the club. We also filmed it for the Vook we’re planning, which is a video book, something very new.

Jeffrey, Judah, and Richie against the wall at The Strip

We had the best time, because Judah just kicked back and told us great stories of how he got started, how it was a goal of his to pass and perform at The Strip, how he got 30 Rock, and lots of other cool things.

At the time he got the offer for 30 Rock he also received an offer to do a show in LA, but at 30 Rock he knew he’d be working with Tina Fey and would be able to keep his persona and dress like he likes to dress, so he made the wise choice of staying in New York and doing 30 Rock. He does have to shave off his beard for the show, but he doesn’t mind doing that. After all he’s the World Champion beard grower as well! It probably grows back in a few hours! (LOL)

What’s great about Judah is that he hasn’t let success get in the way of being a nice guy. He’s approachable. He’s very kind to his fans who mob him after the show, and he’s very humble and grateful for his success.

I like the bit he does when he’s running on his treadmill that has hurdles on it while he’s shoulder pressing heavy weights. His new book is “ How To Beat Up Anybody” and if you don’t run out and get it, he will definitely find you, and beat you to a pulp!

Also, many of you may not know that Richie Tienken is a comedy historian and through his exhaustive research he came up with the very first stand-up comedian from ancient Egyptian times, which he donated to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. This is a photo of the very first comedy cruise, captured in a sculpture and donated to the museum by Richie Tienken.

Ancient comedian sculpture, donated by Richie Tienken to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Antiquities Section.

Gotham Happenings

Starting with their fabulous holiday party in January, Gotham has had a string of unbelievable shows one after the other. The holiday party was a smash, and packed with comedy notables, like Ted Alexandro, Mike Vecchione, Todd Barry, Judah Friedlander, and John Fugelsang, who was back in New York from Florida, getting over the loss of his Dad. Our sincerest condolences to John. He’s back making waves in the biz.

Bonnie McFarlane, Amy Schumer, and Rachel Feinstein at the Gotham party.

Dean Edwards formerly of SNL headlined a packed show, where the hilarious Marion Grodin was the MC. Harris Stanton told the story of being asked by an Orthodox Jew to turn on his heat for him on a cold winter day, because Orthodox Jews are not allowed to do things like that during the Sabbath, and Harris, not knowing that, responded, “ What did you have a mysterious beef with Thomas Edison?’”

Rich Francese said he wouldn’t mind being a rapper, cause there doesn’t seem to be any weight limit! He got invited to a birthday party on the internet so he sent them a picture of a gift!

 

(L-R) Harris Stanton and Dean Edwards at Gotham.

In order to get SNL you can’t just be funny, you have to be able to do characters, and Dean is amazing at that. He does fantastic accents, and impressions of Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock, and even Denzel answering a phone call from singer Lou Rawls which was a gut-buster! ( Where am I getting these expressions from? A dictionary of phrases from The Civil War??? LOL)

Anthony Anderson’s monthly Mixtape show never disappoints. It’s basically a comedy party where everyone is grooving on the energy that Anthony and his cohorts, like partner Royale Watkins, put out. ( If there’s such a thing as a cohort, is there such a thing as a hort?)

Anthony and Royale call themselves The Goodtime Brothers and it fits. Everyone there has a good time.

 

Anthony Anderson and Jeffrey laughing it up after the show.

Mark Viera opened the show and killed it as he always does. He had just come back from the Middle East entertaining our troops in 140 degree weather, so when he hit the 92 degree weather of LA, he was freezing.

Greer Barnes did a great set, and is another performer who can do really cool sound effects on the mike. He did an impression of a cop on horseback arresting a “brother”, and wondering where he would put him. Does he just say “ Hop on!”? Funny visual of a perp holding onto the cop around the waist as they gallop off into the sunset!

In the musical segment of the show they had Naughty By Nature do a set, and the great Chubb Rock was in the audience.

Gotham had an All-Star show which was aptly named. Rich Vos was the MC, and he often talks about his sobriety. He’s coming up on almost as many years of sobriety as Bill Wilson. Rich is another of those reliable acts that you can always count on to destroy the room.

Bonnie McFarlane was also on the show and to me is one of the funniest women on the scene today.

And then there was a guy I hadn’t seen before, which was an unusual and alarming experience for me, and his name was Louis Katz. I’m pretty sure his name is STILL Louis Katz since he has a half hour special coming up on Comedy Central on March 11th, and it would hardly make sense for him to have changed his name before it airs.

Commenting on his look, he told the audience he had spent the day balding. He also has a moustache and glasses, so according to him, with that look he’s just “a bowler away from being in disguise!”

Then I got to attend Rachel Feinstein’s CD taping for an album for Comedy Central to be released later this year,. The evening was hosted by Hot 97 morning star Cipha Sounds who I believe is back to hosting a regular show at Carolines on Tuesdays.

Rachel Feinstein throwing down gang signs , to Cipha Sounds from The Bronx, who actually understands them!

He describes himself as a Puerto Rican from The Bronx, named Luis Diaz, who can’t speak Spanish. He had a guy from the audience re-introduce him cause he said the audience was all white people who didn’t know him, and he didn’t get enough love.

He certainly got it the second time around. Cipha is a funny dude, and I gotta get over to Carolines to check out his show.

The great Jon Fisch had advice for anyone guy losing his hair. As soon as you realize you’re losing your hair, turn to whatever girl you’re with and propose!

Rachel Feinstein is cool. I don’t know how she was in high school, but she’s definitely cool now! She’s an original, and always fun to watch. She has the unique ability to imitate a guy’s voice and have it sound like a guy’s voice. Most girls can’t do that.

When she imitates her mother and grandmother , in that distinctly Jewish kind of inflection that only other Jews find hysterically funny and nauseating at the same time, you could “plotz”! ( Look that up on Google!)

Rachel imitates street guys coming on to her with pseudo compliments, opening with “ I’m sayin’ boo!” which might sound to an older person like you might be trying to scare someone, unless you are immersed in hip-hop culture.

But when she tells how her grandmother was a big fan of Biggie and is so glad the East Coast- West Coast wars are over, it reminded me of all the times I told people that my Mom bought me the AMG CD “ Bitch Betta Have My Money.”

And then there was Pete Correale’s sold out show. Jon Fisch was MC’ing cause good comics know other good comics! Also on the bill was Veronica Mosey another fave of mine. She’s also one of the few women I see who can really command a stage, and take control of the audience. It’s all about energy and she puts it out there!

Pete is funny and clever, and makes any topic work. Like his “Killer Whale” bit, about the whale killing it’s trainer. How couldn’t she know when the word “Killer” is part of his name? He asks, “ How many animals DIDN’T get the name killer? He didn’t get the name from being sharply dressed! Killing is part of his name.

Pete Correale asking Jeffrey to flatten his hair and that’s as close as it got.

Then he did a bit I guessed was new, and it worked so well I was excited for him. He said during Prohibition, the only way guys had to get high was spinning around. If he had ended it at that, it might have gotten a chuckle, but he embellished upon it, and as he spun himself around it became hysterical. As a comedy writer I always appreciate what it takes to develop a bit to it’s fullest potential. A month from now I’m sure it’ll be even richer.

Pete and I had a laugh about the time he and Jim Breuer, and Greg Charles from Carolines played a practical joke on me on the air. I went on Breuer’s show to talk about my celeb joke book, “Filthy, Funny, and Totally Offensive”, based on my years of writing for the Friars Roasts, and all three of them were in the book.

Pete was Breuer’s co-host and on the air they confronted me, and accused me of using their jokes without their permission. They even went so far as to create a phony tape of them talking about me, like “ who’s that guy with the tape recorder trying to tape us?”

I turned white, and almost had a heart attack, sputtering, “ but you TOLD me I could use those jokes.” Finally Breuer blurted out, “ we’re just effin’ with you.”, but they didn’t do it right away, and it felt like it went on for hours.

They had prepared their audience in advance and said, “ Wait till you see what we do to this guy!” I was wondering why they didn’t let me listen to the show before I went on, as guests usually do.

I was put into an isolated room to wait for my turn to go on. Greg told me later that they only did it because they love me. I’m like, “try not to love me so much in the future” !

Comedy Matters Quickies

Judy Carter is a one woman comedy industry. She’s a comic, a coach, a comedy writer, an author, a speaker, and she has sets of DVD’s that you can purchase if you’re not lucky enough to live near her in Cali.

Her “Speaking Career in a Box” is 3 DVD’s and tells you how to take your skills as a stand-up and make a great living as a corporate speaker. That’s assuming of course that you DO have skills as a comedian! And if you don’t she can help you with that too! You can find out all about her at www.judycarter.com

Comic Bob Greenberg made a surprise 88th birthday party for Larry Storch at Gabe Waldman’s Stand-Up New York, and it was a really fun event. Larry was so surprised he actually screamed when he walked into the room. I was afraid for his heart. I ran into my old, old friend Rhonda Hansome who is back performing again, and the great Jerry Stiller got up and said a few words. Even the legendary boxer Jake LaMotta came out to honor Larry.

(L-R) 2nd row-Bob Greenberg, Larry Storch, and Dave Konig on the end and in the first row, Jerry Stiller and Jake Lamotta for Larry’s surprise party.

Joey Reynolds has a new TV show called All Night With Joey Reynolds. After so many years of doing a hit show on WOR talk radio, which I was honored to be on so many, many times, Joey got his own TV show on NBC New York Nonstop.

It’s shot in the ground floor studio in the NASDAQ building right on Broadway in the heart of Times Square, and you can see the show going on from the street. It’s very exciting and I was really happy to be asked to do the show.

Not only did I get a chance to talk about my comedy projects but I got a chance to talk about my cure for stuttering which I used to cure myself. I was a pretty severe stutterer. Joey always asks me about it because he finds it fascinating, and I am very grateful to get that information out to people who need it. Stuttering can be cured.

And now with the popularity of The King’s Speech, there’s a lot of attention being given to stuttering. I was on the show with the super-talented Steven Scott, NY1 film critic Neil Rosen, innovative school principal Anthony Albano, ( brother of the late Captain Lou!), and a few others.

(L-R_ Anthony Albano, Joey Reynolds, Steven Scott, Jeffrey, Neil Rosen on the set of All Night With Joey Reynolds.

Steven imitates not only people, but musical instruments so well that he played along with the band, using only his mouth. Sounds like a graduate of The Academy of Oral Skills!!! The show is Monday to Friday from midnight till 2 A.M.

Frank Chindamo of Fun Little Movies, is just racking up the awards and honors. He hosted the Comedy Hotshots panel at NATPE in Miami and also has his own show on Direct TV called “The MoShow-The Pursuit of App-iness. You can check that out on www.gomoshow.com

The Writer’s Guild Awards is always one of my favorite things to cover because Sherry Goldman is a pro and makes sure everything runs smoothly. I take my position at the end of the red carpet cause I can’t stand being squeezed into places, and I greet the celebs as they leave the carpet. It’s so much more comfortable that way.

Hosted by Kristen Schaal, it took place in the gorgeous lobby of the Equitable building, and I got to meet and interview so many cool people, including director John Waters, Jenny Lumet, Liz Brixius who created Nurse Jackie, Matthew Settle from Gossip Girl, Wayne Federman who wrote for the event, and Vincent Piazza who plays Lucky Luciano on HBO’s Boardwalk Empire, who said he really liked my scarf.

Jeffrey and his magical scarf, with Vincent Piazza at the WGA Awards in Manhattan.

It just so happens I often wear 3 scarves at the same time, but that’s a whole other story. I’m a big fan of Kristen’s and I tried e-mailing her to arrange a quick photo shoot, but maybe her e-mail changed cause I didn’t hear back from her.

I also ran into the ubiquitous Judah Friedlander who’s at as many places as I am. People often say to me, “ I see you everywhere” and I assure them that I’ll probably be in their apartment when they get home. One very gullible girl once said “ Really?” I assured her that I would!

But most important, I found my Comedy Matters Girl of the Month there. Her name is Angela Phillips and she is spectacular. You’ll be seeing her in an upcoming film by Alonzo Anderson, called Step Sisters. She’s a 5’3” ex-basketball player, who became a successful petite model, and actress and is the nicest person you could ever meet.

Comedy Matters Girl of the Month, Angela Phillips absolutely shocked at the size of Jeffrey’s pen!

She’s the regional director for Bella Petite Magazine, which caters to the petite modeling business. She’s also very humble, and the kind of person that when you meet them, you feel like you’ve known them forever. She has aspirations in comedy, and I’m looking forward to working with Angela on an upcoming project myself! Trust me, … you’ll be seeing a lot of Angela Phillips!

Madison Malloy and Andrew Schwartztol are running a new comedy show on Wednesdays at O’Casey’s on West 41st Street. It’s a great room and when I stopped by, one comic was late so I filled in and did a set. That was fun!

(L-R) Harrison Greenbaum, Andrew Schwartztol, Jeffrey Gurian, and Madison Malloy at O’Casey’s.

Jordan Ferber also has a great show and I went by to celebrate with him at the 2 year anniversary of his Thursday night show at Zinc Bar. Another “must see”!

Times Square Tidbits

They used to call James Brown the hardest working man in show biz. That title has now been taken by Dennis Gatti the one man show who runs the Times Square Comedy Club. When he’s not booking the shows you can find him behind the bar serving drinks. If he could, he’d take every table’s order, and even eat the food, and laugh at the jokes for you.

There are five showrooms of different size capacities, and Dennis runs from room to room making sure that everything is going as it should. He also has specialty shows like Manhattan Magic and the Ultimate Drag Off.

Dennis Gatti and Jeffrey at the Times Square Comedy Club.

As if that wasn’t enough, he also manages talent, and the night I was there I had the pleasant surprise of seeing a great talent he’s working with, Bobby Johnson.

People often say I know everyone in comedy, but every so often someone escapes my radar. Bobby has a multi-cultural background, and has done lots of TV and has been a regular on 98.7 Kiss FM’s morning show.

This guy made me laugh out loud and that’s hard to do. In comedy nobody laughs. They’re like, “ That’s funny”, but they don’t crack a smile. Bobby really made me laugh out loud.

His accents are great. His Latino accent rules, especially when he explains how all they want to do is dance, … even at a funeral. “Let’s dance!” But when he talked about how he hoped Arabs have to do the same thing in their airports as we have to do in ours, and mimed a guy unwrapping an Arab going through security, as if he was swathed in bandages, I totally lost it.

Bobby Johnson and Jeffrey at the Times Square Arts Center.

Nick Kroll On The Loose

Nick Kroll is a fixture on TV, and on the comedy circuit in general. You gotta love Nick Kroll. He’s written for Chapelle’s Show and Human Giant, performed at UCB on both coasts, on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, HBO’s The Life and Times of Tim, and is one half of the “Oh Hello” guys with his writing partner John Mulaney.

Nick creates memorable characters, like Fabrice Fabrice, craft services coordinator for the show “That’s So Raven”, El Chupacabre, and his newest character Bobby Bottleservice, plus he just aired his first Comedy Central special Thank You Very Cool!

Just before it aired I went to see Nick at a store down in Soho called The Hundreds, where he was doing a personal appearance. I also went to give Nick the script I wrote for The Key of Awesome comedy hoping he could star in it with Lauren Francesca. Fortunately he liked it, unfortunately he was on his way to Vegas and then back to LA.

Bobby Bottleservice and Jeffrey at The Hundreds.

However he did give me a signed Bobby Bottleservice poster on which he wrote, “To Jeff, U R the only person with better hair than me!” Bobby B. , and he gave me a Bobby Bottleservice T-shirt which was also very cool. What he gave me that I liked best was his friendship! Thank you, very cool!

Anyway, until next time, … remember, … Comedy Matters!!!

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