Posts Tagged Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer’s New Show on Comedy Central Debuts April 30th

Amy Schumer is the new Amy Schumer! If that sounds confusing, it’s because there’s no one around or preceding her to compare her to. Maybe Sarah Silverman? In terms of being open, funny, sexy, and being able to say anything at all without flinching!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Amy Schumer at a comedy event in NYC!

Her new show “Inside Amy Schumer” debuts this coming Tuesday, April 30th, on Comedy Central and you can see the first episode right here:

http://on.cc.com/ZKPhH3

I caught up with Amy recently at the Jack Black Roast and did a little Comedy Matters TV interview with her on the red carpet. On camera, she asked people to subscribe to Comedy Matters TV as a personal favor to her, which was very kind of her to do! I’ve been supporting Amy for years and always knew she’d make it big.

Comedy Central loves her and the public loves her as evidenced by the fact that every video I post of her gets tons of views. I’m sure her show will be a big hit. Check out my red carpet Jack Black Roast video right here:

Yesterday I was a guest with the great radio talent Ron Bennington, on the Ron and Fez Show on Sirius XM radio, a huge national show, and we started talking about Amy and how she was his featured guest on his special interview show called “Unmasked”!

“Unmasked” is where Ron sits down with a big comedy star for an hour and does a really in-depth interview. I was there for his Chris Tucker interview and it was really great!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Chris Tucker up at Sirius XM Radio for Ron Bennington’s “Unmasked” interview! They’re holding Jeffrey’s new book ” Make ‘Em Laugh” with an intro by Chris Rock!

I mentioned I had seen Amy sell out Gotham Comedy Club recently for all of her shows, with Mark Normand as her opening act. Mark’s really funny, and told me he travels with Amy on the road which must be a fun gig. It’s also a great opportunity for him, and don’t be surprised if he turns up on her show! (LOL)

(I hope she sees how good I did on Kroll Show and invites me on her show too!!!!!!!)

Mark talked about guys complaining about having to wear condoms. He was like, “How can you complain about having to need a layer of something between you?” ” Hey Dad, give me a hug! OK but take off that shirt first! I don’t wanna feel anything between us!”

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Mark Normand at Stand Up New York!

He also said that being a vegan is like being a Black guy in the 1950’s. You can only eat in certain restaurants! He got huge laughs and endeared himself to the audience by saying, ” I think this might be the best I’ve ever done!”

Amy took the stage and had some great lines like, ” I used to date Hispanic guys, but now I prefer consensual!” She said most girls work on a sliding rape scale.

She said she dated a wrestler who went down on her right away because he was raised well. But she said he gave up after a while because he could see that she was texting!

She asked who was still in their 20’s and encouraged them by telling them they still had hope! She also said that nothing good ever happens in an alcoholic blackout! You never wake up and find a Pilates mat.

And she said her friends are all getting married and incredibly they keep all of their kids! She got huge love from the crowd!

Ron Bennington was commenting on how likeable Amy is, and how popular she is, and they actually showed my red carpet clip on the show over the internet. (I almost wrote “likable” instead of “likeable”, but Amy could also be “likable”! LOL)

“Inside Amy Schumer” is an all around comedy show with sketch, stand-up, man-on-the street, and everything else comedic you can think of! I told her it was like the Amy Schumer version of SNL! She got a good laugh out of that!

Make sure to tune in to Comedy Central on Tues. April 30th 10:30E/9:30 Central, and I’m sure you’ll get a good laugh out of THAT!

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Jack Black’s Friars Roast Red Carpet Coverage with Jeffrey Gurian

It’s a long-standing tradition that once a year The Friars Club raises money for charity by “Roasting” a huge star, where a couple of thousand people show up in the Grand Ballroom of The Hilton Hotel to hear other big stars say filthy things about the honoree. It’s been going on since 1950 when they Roasted Sam Levenson! Most of you will have absolutely no idea who that even was! (LOL)

More recently it’s been Donald Trump, Quentin Tarantino, Matt Lauer, Hugh Hefner, Kelsey Grammer, and on and on!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Friars Roastee Jack Black on the red carpet at the Hilton Hotel in NYC!

This year it was the multi-talented Jack Black star of stage and screen, who besides being an actor is also a producer, comedian, voice over artist, writer and musician. He’s best known for his film roles in High Fidelity, School of Rock, King Kong, Nacho Libre, Tropic Thunder, Bernie and Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2. He told me he’s working on Kung Fu Panda #3, which you can hear for yourself in the video right here:

He’s also a rock star with his comedy rock group Tenacious D which he formed back in 1991 with his friend Kyle Gass.

Jack Black on the red carpet of the Friars Roast in his honor being interviewed by Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV!

Bob Saget was the Roast Master and I hadn’t seen Bob since last July when he hosted one of the TV galas at the 30th annual Just for Laughs Festival, the biggest comedy festival in the world. He was hosting the “triple XXX” show, and I told him today that it seems that the raunchier the show, the more clean-cut his appearance. He agreed with me! He also reminded me that the last time he saw me in Montreal, he bumped his head!

Bob Saget with Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV holding Jeffrey’s new book ” Make ‘Em Laugh” , for which Bob gave him a blurb that reads, “No matter how many years pass, I can never say “No” to Jeff Gurian. Hence this quote on his book’s back cover!”

Watch that video right here:

Bob gave me the nicest blurb for the back of my recent book “Make ‘Em Laugh” when he wrote “No matter how many years pass I can never say “No” to Jeff Gurian! Hence this quote on his book’s back cover!”

I was shooting video interviews on the red carpet and besides speaking with Jack and Bob, I also got some very cool interviews with Artie Lange, Amy Schumer, Gene Simmons of Kiss and his Family Jewels, The Beach Boys who I got to thank for saving my life in high school, Padma Lakshmi and more!

Gene Simmons was there with his wife Shannon Tweed and his son Nick, who’s really handsome and about 6’5″ at the very least! Gene is 6’2″ and Nick towered over him. When I told Gene that he was with his Family Jewels, Shannon corrected me and told me that Sophie wasn’t able to come and join them!

Amy Schumer and I talked a lot about her new show debuting very soon on Comedy Central called “Inside Amy Schumer” and about all the guest stars who have agreed to be on with her! She was very humbly amazed that they all said “Yes” to appearing!

I will be posting the video interviews as soon as I edit them! Stay tuned and please “Subscribe” to my Comedy Matters TV channel at http://www.youtube.com/guriannewsnetwork

Thanks and hope to see you soon at something fun!

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Amy Schumer Tapes A Pilot For Comedy Central

Comedy Central loves Amy Schumer! Come to think of it, everyone loves Amy Schumer! But she can’t call her new pilot for Comedy Central “Everybody Loves Amy” cause it’s already been done by both Ray Romano and Chris Rock!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Amy Schumer at Gotham Comedy Club! All I needed was a jaunty Captain’s hat! ( Read further to get that one!)

Amy says that if people like her, it’s because she has a “cabbage patch” look, and we played with her when we were children!

A lot of Amy’s jokes are self-deprecating and about her appearance, and audiences love that. It makes them feel better about themselves which is why many female comics always downplayed their looks over the years. Unfortunately, some of them had no looks to downplay in the first place!

The Bowery Poetry Club is a very cool spot and where Amy Schumer taped material for hew new Comedy Central pilot!

Anyway, I went down to the Bowery Poetry Club in NYC, to see Amy tape some new material for the as yet unnamed pilot she’s doing for Comedy Central. The place was packed to overflowing. They were nice enough to hold two seats for me. Unfortunately they were on someone else’s lap, but we all got along, and it was fine! (LOLOL)

Amy only gets cuter and cuter as her career rises. She says about herself: “Right now, on the hotness scale, I’m right where everybody thinks they have a shot!”

She says, ” People think I’m from the Midwest. I think I look like I milked something recently.” All her jokes seem to have a little sexual edge to them and it works great for her!

She also talks a lot about her Mom, Sandy who was there. She took me backstage to meet her, and they look very much alike. Amy did her best not to call her Mom the “C” word, but she just couldn’t help it!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV, having a blast backstage interviewing Amy Schumer, after the taping of material for hew new pilot on Comedy Central!

She says she doesn’t like when her Mom brags: ” I can still fit into my wedding dress.” Amy says, ” Who cares! She can still fit into a dress she wore when she was 8 months pregnant. Big deal!”

I always like to meet comic’s Mom’s, especially when they talk about them in their act. Sandy looked like she had a great sense of humor, and for a big career in comedy, you let your daughter call you the “C” word! (LOL)

When Lisa Lampanelli introduced me to HER Mom, she too said she didn’t care. And neither did her Dad who was there in the audience when she referred to him as an ” old, blind bastard!”. Wasn’t that a rapper??? Old Blind Bastard? OBD??? No???

The opening act was Kurt Metzger another comic that everyone loves, despite the fact that he looks nothing like Amy Schumer! Kurt is a wordsmith, and comes up with phrases you don’t hear too often but which are guaranteed to be funny, like when he commented on some guy in the audience sporting a “jaunty Captain’s hat”, which he deemed a real hipster look! ( Now you get the joke above! LOL )

Some words are just funny! They’re “comedy words”! Like, chances are that any joke you write with the words “divining rod” in it will get laughs!

I recently did a fun video interview with Kurt when he was on Anthony Anderson’s 3rd Anniversary Mixtape Comedy Show. You can check that out right here:

And after the taping, Amy was kind enough to spend a few minutes with me to tape a little exclusive video for Comedy Matters TV! And surprisingly enough, that’s right here:

Amy always told me she was grateful for my support and not more than a couple of months ago said to me, “Jeffrey, if I ever get my own show, … you can count on watching it from your living room!”

I know Amy’s show will be a big hit, and I can’t wait to start watching!

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Charlie Sheen Roast With Amy Schumer, Anthony Jeselnik, Patrice Oneal, Jeffrey Ross and more!

Everyone loves a Roast, and everyone, especially in the comedy community, was anxiously awaiting the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen! The jokes could basically write themselves. There was so much to use for inspiration. I wrote for the famed Friars Roasts for many years, but I have to say the level of humor then was nowhere near as cruel as it is today! There’s nothing left to say that is considered shocking anymore! It’s all been done, so now people say the most horrible things they can think of, and it passes for humor because no one has the balls to tell them it isn’t funny!

I won’t say which jokes I think that applies to! I’ll leave that up to you!

This Roast was produced by my old friend Jeffrey Ross who I know for a long time. Jeffrey’s become known as the Roastmaster General, which is very similar to being the Postmaster General. The Postmaster General is in charge of delivering the mail, and the Roastmaster General is in charge of delivering the funny! I wonder how much Jeffrey had to do with who the Roasters were.

Comedy Central V.P. JoAnn Grigioni, Jeffrey Gurian, and Jeffrey Ross at the after-party for the Donald Trump Roast!

He himself commented, ” Look at this dais. This lineup is so pathetic, I was hoping I’D get replaced by Ashton Kutcher!”

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Jeffrey Ross, somewhere cool back in 2004!

Ross about Sheen – Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up! ( Brilliant! )

He went on to say, ” Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez would have been here tonight, but they had a family obligation”!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Jeffrey Ross at the Friars Club book party for Gurian’s book, ” Filthy, Funny, and Totally Offensive!”

Those are the kind of jokes I love. Clever, and funny but not cruel!

And then he asked Charlie about his kids, ” Don’t you wanna live to see their first 12 steps???” ( Hilarious! )

Greg Giraldo was missed, but was mentioned when Ross said about Anthony Jeselnik, ” Some say you’re the next Greg Giraldo. Let’s hope so!”

Also missed were Lisa Lampanelli who had another committment, and Gilbert Gottfried, who was committed!

Seth McFarlane is a great Roastmaster. He’s really found a niche for himself cause it’s a hard thing to do. I don’t know how much he writes himself, but his lines are sharp and he delivers them like he wrote them!

Seth McFarlane on TV when he hosted the Roast of Donald Trump!

I like his simple lines like ” Anthony Jeselnik’s act combines the excitement of standing there with the thrill of saying words!” That’s hysterical!

He followed it up by saying, ” You know him best by me saying his name right now! “

Anthony Jeselnik chillin’ at The Comic Strip after his set!

Seth on Mike Tyson – He’s beaten every opponent he’s gone up against so far, except the letter “S”!

Amy Schumer showed how she got on the dais with her clever lines:

Amy to Tyson – Mike Tython. Am I saying that right? You have a slutty lower back tattoo on your face! Men don’t know whether to be scared of it, or finish on it! ( To his credit Tyson laughed at everything that was said about him! )

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Amy Schumer at Gotham Comedy Club!

Amy to Sheen – You are really so famous. It was international news when you ruined the lives of those two girls that were living with you, … your daughters! ( Very edgy! I think family members used to be considered out of bounds when we wrote the Friars Roasts!) I remember one joke I wrote that got side-lined about an honoree who was so neat he let other guys f**k his wife so he wouldn’t have to get his c**k all messy!

Jeffrey Gurian with a very dressy Amy Schumer, including what look like pearls, at Gotham Comedy Club!

Amy mentioned Patrice Oneal’s bout with Diabetes and said this was also a farewell party for Patrice’s foot, and told a joke where his grandmother was the brunt of the joke. It almost looked like Patrice winced at that one, which is hard to do!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with his pal Patrice Oneal when Patrice was Jeffrey’s guest speaker at an event to create comedy workshops for inner city kids!

I was his co-host for a while on his Sirius Radio show The Black Phillip Show along with Dante Nero,who labeled me a “Level 12 Pimp”, a title I held proudly! (LOL) Patrice said he chose me not only because we got a long so well, and made for interesting partners, but because I was the only white man he ever met who knew all the words to AMG’s “Bitch Betta Have My Money!”

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Patrice Oneal at the Friars Club book party for Jeffrey’s book “FIlthy, Funny,and Totally Offensive.”

Check out some clips from the show here where Patrice is talking about me, and the beautiful girl I had with me, Jacqueline Beaulieu:

So again, there’s not many things that Patrice wouldn’t say, and I don’t know if I could even think of one, but I really think he winced at the grandmother joke!

But Amy took some unfair heat when referencing Ryan Dunn from Jackass who was killed in an auto accident, and was friends with Steve-O who was on the dais. She said, ” Sorry for the loss of your friend Ryan Dunn. You were thinking “it could have been me”, and we were all thinking, ” Why wasn’t it you?” Which doesn’t seem so harsh in light of the other things that were said, and remembering that it IS a Roast!

Seth McFarlane made jokes about Amy Winehouse, when writing Charlie Sheen’s make believe obituary, and no one said anything about that?

When Steve-O jumped face first into Mike Tyson’s fist and broke his nose, Seth said, ” That’s what it looks like when an asshole gets fisted!” No one’s that quick, so I guess that part was planned!

Anthony Jeselnik has such an unusual delivery. I can’t exactly explain what it is, but it’s great. It gives him the ability to say things you would never expect him to say. They said he’s dating Amy Schumer. I can see that happening! I think it works comedically as well as socially!

Anthony to Sheen – “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because G-d hates Michael J. Fox!”

Patrice Oneal is like a philosopher. He does best when he has time to develop his premises of which he has many! He did great on the Roast when he told Seth McFarlane that he needs a partner to bring down his ego, like Hanna-Barbera had, like when Hanna thought he was bigger than Yogi and Barbera had to slap the shit out of him!

He also advised Seth to just come out and admit that he’s gay! He said ” No straight guy writes that many show tunes!”

You have to have a thick skin to be a Roaster or a Roastee! Everyone present gets what’s coming to them, … whether they deserve it or not!!!

Check out the previous post on Jeffrey Ross producing the Roast at:

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Anthony Jeselnik on Comedy Matters TV From The Just For Laughs Festival In Montreal

Anthony Jeselnik came across my comedy radar a while ago, and I was a fan right away. Something about his demeanor, his delivery and the cleverness of his lines, however dark, makes him stand out amongst the others. I always enjoy seeing him perform and I run into him quite often at The Comic Strip!

Anthony Jeselnik at The Comic Strip!

It was exciting to see him make his debut at The Donald Trump Roast on Comedy Central, and I interviewed him on the red carpet. He’s had his own half hour special on Comedy Central and has appeared on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Late Night With Conan O’Brien, Last Call With Carson Daly, and was voted by Variety as one of their 10 Top Comics To Watch up in Montreal at the Just For Laughs Festival. That may have been where we first met. The video below is of the red carpet at the Donald Trump Roast, with Anthony, Lisa Lampanelli, Amy Schumer, Doug Herzog, Ice-T and many more!

Comedy Central featured him on their “Hotlist” as one of the hottest comics of the year in 2009, and his first album “Shakespeare” was voted Comedy Album Of The Year by Punchline Magazine. I see Anthony a lot at The Comic Strip!

Check out the video interview with Anthony and Amy Schumer at this year’s Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal!

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Look Who Reads Comedy Matters-Richard Lewis, Jon Stewart, Lisa Lampanelli & So Many More!!!

I’ve been doing so many red carpets lately and am thrilled to see how many big stars read “Comedy Matters.”  if you don’t believe me, watch for yourself, ( and then tell everyone you know!  Even if they’re sleeping.  Wake them up and tell them! Even if they’re very tired.  Trust me, they’ll be grateful!)

Lisa Lampanelli with Jeffrey at The Donald Trump Roast after telling Jeffrey she reads Comedy Matters every time she forgets to delete it! (LOLOLOL)

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Preview Video On The Red Carpet of Tonight's Comedy Central Donald Trump Roast

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters was on the red carpet at the taping of Comedy Central’s Roast of Donald Trump, taping the arrivals and speaking with Roasters Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli, Anthony Jeselnik, Whitney Cummings, Snoop Dogg, Marlee Matlin,and guests like comic/TV host Amy Schumer, Actor Ice-T and his wife Coco, Russell Simmons, and even MTV President Doug Herzog.  And Gilbert Gottfried was the surprise guest! This is a follow-up to an earlier story posted last week.

Watch the Roast and leave a comment below letting me know what you thought of it, who was the best Roaster, and what jokes you liked best and I’ll feature my favorite comments on the blog! Thanks!!!

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Comedy Central's Donald Trump Roast

Last night at Manhattan Center on West 34th Street Comedy Central went all out on the Roast of Donald Trump. Even The Donald said they paid him a lot of money to encourage him to subject himself to another Roast, after he survived the one from The Friars Club.

He’s donating all the money to charity. I happened to see him just before the Friars Roast and he asked me,” Do you think I’ll be able to handle it?” And I said to him, ” Donald, if anyone can it’s YOU!”

So it was candy-filled gold coins, gold balloons on the ceiling, gold lame pillow cushions wherever you sat. It was all about money and rightfully so when you’re talking about The Donald, one of the most well known billionaires on the planet.

Donald Trump making a point at his Comedy Central Roast.

As you might imagine it drew a star studded audience, starting with Doug Herzog who you will see me talking to in the video that’s coming in the next few days. Doug is currently serving as President of MTV Networks Entertainment Group. Among other things, he is credited with bringing South Park, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report to Viacom’s Comedy Central, and he’s a good friend of my buddy Richie Tienken, who owns The Comic Strip, which is how I met Doug, when he came to an event at The Strip.

 

RIchie Tienken, Doug Herzog, and Bob Wachs at The Comic Strip

On the dais were Whitney Cummings, Snoop Dogg, Anthony Jeselnik, Larry King, Lisa Lampanelli, Marlee Matlin, Mike ” The Situation” Sorrentino, and Jeffrey Ross. Also in attendance were Ivanka Trump, Russell Simmons, John Legend, Donald’s beautiful wife Melania, and Comedy Central executive, V.P. JoAnn Grigioni.

Aileen Budow, the head of press, was in charge of running the red carpet which she did so well, ( as always!) and was helped by newcomer to Comedy Central,  Eve Kenny.

JoAnn Grigioni, Jeffrey Gurian, and Jeffrey Ross at the after-party for the Trump Roast at Gotham Hall

I was hoping to see my buddy Don Trump Jr. who once told me that he appreciated the fact that when I wrote about him, I didn’t write anything snarky.

The beautiful Melania Trump enjoying seeing her husband Donald taking a severe beating!

I explained to him that I only like to put positive energy out to the world. There’s enough negative energy out there without me having to add to it, and that led to us becoming friends.

One night at an event where his father was present, he suggested to me that I don’t do something I was planning to do. I have this thing where I like to go up to a very rich man, and in the process of thanking him for something, fold a dollar into his hand as if I was giving him a tip. They call it ” palming” the guy. Something you might do to a doorman, not a billionaire. And it always strikes me funny, and after the initial shock of being tipped a single dollar, they usually think it’s funny too.

So when I told Don Jr. I wanted to do that to his Dad, he cautioned me against it. He said he wasn’t sure how well it would go over, and I took his word for it, and didn’t do it. Every once in a while, I listen to another person. Not often, … but every once in a while.

Anyway, when I write about comedy shows or performers, if I don’t like what you do, I just don’t write about it. I don’t write negative things, because as a performer myself, I really respect how hard it is for anyone to get out on stage and try to make people laugh. Some people just do it better than others. But it’s basically the hardest thing in the world to do.

I saw a well known performer at the South Beach Comedy Festival last year who did a show that actually made me angry. That’s how much I hated it. But when I wrote my column, I bit my tongue and didn’t mention it at all. His audience seemed to like it, but I thought it was so bad I actually left in a bad mood, and it stayed with me for a while.

That being said, Mike ‘The Situation” Sorrentino found himself in a very difficult situation to say the least. Having to compete with hardened, experienced comics is basically impossible, but he kept laughing through the whole, painful thing, which is how I am characterizing his set. You have to give the guy credit for even attempting something so difficult.

Finally Jeffrey Ross jumped up and gave him a few pointers on camera. I’m sure that will be edited out, as will a good portion of the Sitch’s performance. I wonder if he used the Comedy Central writers.  I ran into two of them, Kevin Schini and my buddy Jesse Joyce.

Roast writers Kevin Schini (L) and my buddy Jesse Joyce.

it was so great to see Lisa Lampanelli. I LOVE Lisa Lampanelli and when she saw me and went to introduce me to her husband Jimmy, she actually remembered he and I had already met, which was very interesting to me. She said, ” you guys met at my book party at Carolines.” It was for her book,”Chocolate Please!- My Adventures In Food, Fat, and Freaks” which I think came out in 2009. She remembered that I came out to support her, which I think is very important to do for your friends. You need to get out and support people in their efforts.

Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey at the Comedy Central Donald Trump Roast

And it shows how people remember those things, because I didn’t think she would. And she was right. I did meet Jimmy that day and they weren’t married yet, just engaged, but we all took pictures together, so we could prove she was dating someone white, (LOL).

It really shows how some people appreciate and remember those who come out to support them. And hopefully she’ll drop by my fundraiser to fight Diabetes on April 14th ay 8 P.M. at The Comic Strip. She said if she was in town she’d be glad to come.

Big Jimmy and Little Lisa at the Donald Trump Roast at the Manhattan Center

Some of the highlights:

Seth on Trump – Now there’s a Donald Trump cologne that never fails with women. You pour it on a cloth and hold it over her face until she stops struggling.

Seth on Lisa Lampanelli – Lisa recently appeared on The View, and blocked it! ( Lisa by the way looks fantastic. She must have lost a hundred pounds, and is blonde and pretty, and she has her new husband Jimmy with her at all times. Jimmy is like a building with clothing. He’s a really big guy, and they look great and very happy together.)

The very competent and confident Seth MacFarlane who was the Roast Master for the Donald Trump Roast.

Seth on Larry King – Seth referred to Larry as ” a chattering pirate skeleton, on loan from Disneyland.”

Lisa led off the Roast which is a hard place to be, but she killed it as always. She referrred to Anthony Jeselnek as Anthony Jism-neck, and Seth said that Anthony was only there because Greg Giraldo was dead. On the red carpet, Anthony told me he wrote for the Roast last year, and this year got a chance to perform.

Lisa on Jeff Ross – Jeff is in as much demand as the treadmill in Zsa Zsa Gabor’s house.

Jeffrey Ross sporting a hairstyle stranger than mine! He looks like Moammar Khadaffy did his hair, using his hat to guide the shape.

Lisa on Trump – You’ve ruined more women’s lives than Bulimia.

Lisa on The Situation – The Situation wrote a book which is being sold on Amazon. When you bring up the book it says, ” People who have bought this book have also bought a rope and a stool.”

Larry King looked almost too thin to speak. He referred to Lisa Lampanelli as Lisa Lumpbelly.

Larry On Lisa – She’s a shock comic, but only if you look at her face!

Larry on Snoop – Snoop had a DNA test and found out he’s only 71% black. That means he’s 29% not guilty!

Snoop referred to Lisa as Notorious P.I.G. which was hysterical, and referred to Anthony Jeselnik as “Anthony Jizzleneck”.

Snoop on Anthony – The last time I saw him on the mic he forgot to order my Chicken McNuggets.

Snoop on Donald – He’s rich but very cheap. The last check ( Czech) he ever picked up was Ivana!

Snoop on Donald – He wants the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he put a Black family out of their house.

Seth on The Situation – We wanna thank The Pope for that marvelous speech.

Seth on Whitney Cummings – She wrote a new book ” How To Succeed in Business Without Really Swallowing.”

Anthony Jeselnik is a great joke writer. He said, “Look at this dais. You got a pimp, a drug dealer, a pornographer, a murderer, and 8 white people.”

Anthony on Larry King – Larry’s so old, he’s actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

Anthony on The Sitch – Mike Sorrentino, sometimes known as The Situation. Never known as The Education. He has a book, a video, a tanning salon, … he has his name on everything but a high school diploma.

Marlee Matlin is on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice, and she is so charming and beautiful. When I interviewed her on the red carpet she had a “signer” who translated everything she said so fast you’d think she was speaking. He also sat next to her on the dais translating every dirty word!

Marlee Matlin and her new signer Gilbert Gottfried. She can't hear and he can't see because his eyes are always closed!

Marlee on Jeff Ross – You’re like bedbugs. People can’t get rid of you and they scream when they see you in bed!

Marlee on Lisa – We have a lot in common. I won an Academy Award and you won for Best in Breed at The County Fair.

In the middle of her set, Marlee’s signer walked off as if he was angry and was replaced by my favorite comedian in the world, Gilbert Gottfried. Gilbert just has to show up to be hysterical, and his jokes are always like depth charges. They destroy the room!

Jeffrey Ross closed the show and came out wearing a signature jacket befitting the Roastmaster General. with medals and epaulets, and something about it reminded me of something that Georgie Jessel might have worn. I’m concerned that no one will know who Georgie Jessel is.  He was a comedian during The Civil War.  I think his original name was Georgie Jeselnik, but he changed it to Jessel for show business reasons.

Jeffrey to Russell Simmons – Are you here for the Roast or to sign Marlee Matlin to Def Comedy Jam? ( Note – She’s deaf! )

Russell Simmons and his date enjoying the festivities at The Donald Trump Roast.

Jeffrey on Larry King – The first time he did an interview in Egypt was with Moses. He plans to spend his retirement opening a jar! ( Hysterical!)

Jeffrey on Whitney – ( Whitney by the way is the brunt of a lot of sex jokes in which she plays “the slut”! She’s a sexy girl who seems to do it naturally!) Whitney is working on three pilots at the same time, and that was just on the flight in!

Jeffrey on The Situation – We should call you “The Penetration.” I’m waiting for “The Cancellation!” I heard you’re shooting the next season of Jersey Shore in Italy. I hope that’s just a sneaky way of deporting you!

And finally The Donald got his turn and had some really funny things to say. Btw, I hope he runs for President. I think he’d be amazing, and would put the country back on track. That being said, …

Trump – What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight!

Trump about the dais – Look at this dais. None of these people can even get arrested, .. except for Snoop Dogg.

It was a great fun night and I can’t wait to show you all the video as soon it’s done being edited.

Please add your comments and follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/jeffreygurian

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New Issue of Comedy Matters-2/14/11-Judah Friedlander, Nick Kroll, Amy Schumer, Rachel Feinstein & Many More!

Comic Strip Action

The Key of Awesome ( www.thekeyofawesome.com ) makes comedy video parodies. Their Kesha parody of her hit song Tik Tok got 63,000,000 views ( that’s not a typo!) and still rising.

Their Lady Gaga video parodies get around 20 million hits plus and the star of those videos is Lauren Francesca, who has gotten over 150 million hits on all of her videos combined. This numbers are staggering, when you think that most comics would be thrilled with 100,000 hits on something they posted.

The Key of Awesome’s main players are founders Ben Relles, director Tom Small, and writer/performer Mark Douglas. You have to see Mark as Lord Gaga. The man is brilliant!

So why am I telling you all this? Because The Comic Strip will be the site for the presentation of the new video I created for the launch of Lauren Francesca’s new channel, which launched on Valentine’s Day.

Jeffrey and Lauren Francesca as Besame Mucho, wearing color-coordinated outfits, on the set of “The Academy of Oral Skills."

In this film, (one of a series I am creating for her!), featuring the Comic Strip’s own Ray Ellin, Lauren plays a hot Latina named Besame Mucho who has been voted by three major men’s magazines, as “the best kisser in the world.”

She runs a kissing school for women, who need to improve their oral skills. It’s called “The Academy of Oral Skills” and she runs a tough class where she teaches women rare oral exercises like tongue push-ups, trapeze swinging by your tongue, and other assorted skills. The problem is that when You Tube saw “Oral Skills” they flagged it as possibly being too sexual when there’s nothing in it but kissing!

Mark Douglas from The Key of Awesome being pinned to a wall by an oral student’s tongue.

Even with the flagging we got 27,000 plus hits in only the first five days, and it was rated #1 on You Tube as the most subscribed, and watched comedy for the week. You can check out the film at http://www.youtube.com/iwantmylauren#p/a/u/1/yl-hgzCXOXQ

World Champion Hangs at World Champion Club

Several nights a week you can find World Champion of everything, Judah Friedlander, hanging out at The Strip, waiting to do a spot. Not that he has to wait. He could go on whenever he wants but he enjoys the hang.

Judah came in recently in the afternoon to do an interview for the book I’m doing with Richie Tienken, owner and founder of The Strip, for the 35th anniversary of the club. We also filmed it for the Vook we’re planning, which is a video book, something very new.

Jeffrey, Judah, and Richie against the wall at The Strip

We had the best time, because Judah just kicked back and told us great stories of how he got started, how it was a goal of his to pass and perform at The Strip, how he got 30 Rock, and lots of other cool things.

At the time he got the offer for 30 Rock he also received an offer to do a show in LA, but at 30 Rock he knew he’d be working with Tina Fey and would be able to keep his persona and dress like he likes to dress, so he made the wise choice of staying in New York and doing 30 Rock. He does have to shave off his beard for the show, but he doesn’t mind doing that. After all he’s the World Champion beard grower as well! It probably grows back in a few hours! (LOL)

What’s great about Judah is that he hasn’t let success get in the way of being a nice guy. He’s approachable. He’s very kind to his fans who mob him after the show, and he’s very humble and grateful for his success.

I like the bit he does when he’s running on his treadmill that has hurdles on it while he’s shoulder pressing heavy weights. His new book is “ How To Beat Up Anybody” and if you don’t run out and get it, he will definitely find you, and beat you to a pulp!

Also, many of you may not know that Richie Tienken is a comedy historian and through his exhaustive research he came up with the very first stand-up comedian from ancient Egyptian times, which he donated to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. This is a photo of the very first comedy cruise, captured in a sculpture and donated to the museum by Richie Tienken.

Ancient comedian sculpture, donated by Richie Tienken to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Antiquities Section.

Gotham Happenings

Starting with their fabulous holiday party in January, Gotham has had a string of unbelievable shows one after the other. The holiday party was a smash, and packed with comedy notables, like Ted Alexandro, Mike Vecchione, Todd Barry, Judah Friedlander, and John Fugelsang, who was back in New York from Florida, getting over the loss of his Dad. Our sincerest condolences to John. He’s back making waves in the biz.

Bonnie McFarlane, Amy Schumer, and Rachel Feinstein at the Gotham party.

Dean Edwards formerly of SNL headlined a packed show, where the hilarious Marion Grodin was the MC. Harris Stanton told the story of being asked by an Orthodox Jew to turn on his heat for him on a cold winter day, because Orthodox Jews are not allowed to do things like that during the Sabbath, and Harris, not knowing that, responded, “ What did you have a mysterious beef with Thomas Edison?’”

Rich Francese said he wouldn’t mind being a rapper, cause there doesn’t seem to be any weight limit! He got invited to a birthday party on the internet so he sent them a picture of a gift!

 

(L-R) Harris Stanton and Dean Edwards at Gotham.

In order to get SNL you can’t just be funny, you have to be able to do characters, and Dean is amazing at that. He does fantastic accents, and impressions of Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock, and even Denzel answering a phone call from singer Lou Rawls which was a gut-buster! ( Where am I getting these expressions from? A dictionary of phrases from The Civil War??? LOL)

Anthony Anderson’s monthly Mixtape show never disappoints. It’s basically a comedy party where everyone is grooving on the energy that Anthony and his cohorts, like partner Royale Watkins, put out. ( If there’s such a thing as a cohort, is there such a thing as a hort?)

Anthony and Royale call themselves The Goodtime Brothers and it fits. Everyone there has a good time.

 

Anthony Anderson and Jeffrey laughing it up after the show.

Mark Viera opened the show and killed it as he always does. He had just come back from the Middle East entertaining our troops in 140 degree weather, so when he hit the 92 degree weather of LA, he was freezing.

Greer Barnes did a great set, and is another performer who can do really cool sound effects on the mike. He did an impression of a cop on horseback arresting a “brother”, and wondering where he would put him. Does he just say “ Hop on!”? Funny visual of a perp holding onto the cop around the waist as they gallop off into the sunset!

In the musical segment of the show they had Naughty By Nature do a set, and the great Chubb Rock was in the audience.

Gotham had an All-Star show which was aptly named. Rich Vos was the MC, and he often talks about his sobriety. He’s coming up on almost as many years of sobriety as Bill Wilson. Rich is another of those reliable acts that you can always count on to destroy the room.

Bonnie McFarlane was also on the show and to me is one of the funniest women on the scene today.

And then there was a guy I hadn’t seen before, which was an unusual and alarming experience for me, and his name was Louis Katz. I’m pretty sure his name is STILL Louis Katz since he has a half hour special coming up on Comedy Central on March 11th, and it would hardly make sense for him to have changed his name before it airs.

Commenting on his look, he told the audience he had spent the day balding. He also has a moustache and glasses, so according to him, with that look he’s just “a bowler away from being in disguise!”

Then I got to attend Rachel Feinstein’s CD taping for an album for Comedy Central to be released later this year,. The evening was hosted by Hot 97 morning star Cipha Sounds who I believe is back to hosting a regular show at Carolines on Tuesdays.

Rachel Feinstein throwing down gang signs , to Cipha Sounds from The Bronx, who actually understands them!

He describes himself as a Puerto Rican from The Bronx, named Luis Diaz, who can’t speak Spanish. He had a guy from the audience re-introduce him cause he said the audience was all white people who didn’t know him, and he didn’t get enough love.

He certainly got it the second time around. Cipha is a funny dude, and I gotta get over to Carolines to check out his show.

The great Jon Fisch had advice for anyone guy losing his hair. As soon as you realize you’re losing your hair, turn to whatever girl you’re with and propose!

Rachel Feinstein is cool. I don’t know how she was in high school, but she’s definitely cool now! She’s an original, and always fun to watch. She has the unique ability to imitate a guy’s voice and have it sound like a guy’s voice. Most girls can’t do that.

When she imitates her mother and grandmother , in that distinctly Jewish kind of inflection that only other Jews find hysterically funny and nauseating at the same time, you could “plotz”! ( Look that up on Google!)

Rachel imitates street guys coming on to her with pseudo compliments, opening with “ I’m sayin’ boo!” which might sound to an older person like you might be trying to scare someone, unless you are immersed in hip-hop culture.

But when she tells how her grandmother was a big fan of Biggie and is so glad the East Coast- West Coast wars are over, it reminded me of all the times I told people that my Mom bought me the AMG CD “ Bitch Betta Have My Money.”

And then there was Pete Correale’s sold out show. Jon Fisch was MC’ing cause good comics know other good comics! Also on the bill was Veronica Mosey another fave of mine. She’s also one of the few women I see who can really command a stage, and take control of the audience. It’s all about energy and she puts it out there!

Pete is funny and clever, and makes any topic work. Like his “Killer Whale” bit, about the whale killing it’s trainer. How couldn’t she know when the word “Killer” is part of his name? He asks, “ How many animals DIDN’T get the name killer? He didn’t get the name from being sharply dressed! Killing is part of his name.

Pete Correale asking Jeffrey to flatten his hair and that’s as close as it got.

Then he did a bit I guessed was new, and it worked so well I was excited for him. He said during Prohibition, the only way guys had to get high was spinning around. If he had ended it at that, it might have gotten a chuckle, but he embellished upon it, and as he spun himself around it became hysterical. As a comedy writer I always appreciate what it takes to develop a bit to it’s fullest potential. A month from now I’m sure it’ll be even richer.

Pete and I had a laugh about the time he and Jim Breuer, and Greg Charles from Carolines played a practical joke on me on the air. I went on Breuer’s show to talk about my celeb joke book, “Filthy, Funny, and Totally Offensive”, based on my years of writing for the Friars Roasts, and all three of them were in the book.

Pete was Breuer’s co-host and on the air they confronted me, and accused me of using their jokes without their permission. They even went so far as to create a phony tape of them talking about me, like “ who’s that guy with the tape recorder trying to tape us?”

I turned white, and almost had a heart attack, sputtering, “ but you TOLD me I could use those jokes.” Finally Breuer blurted out, “ we’re just effin’ with you.”, but they didn’t do it right away, and it felt like it went on for hours.

They had prepared their audience in advance and said, “ Wait till you see what we do to this guy!” I was wondering why they didn’t let me listen to the show before I went on, as guests usually do.

I was put into an isolated room to wait for my turn to go on. Greg told me later that they only did it because they love me. I’m like, “try not to love me so much in the future” !

Comedy Matters Quickies

Judy Carter is a one woman comedy industry. She’s a comic, a coach, a comedy writer, an author, a speaker, and she has sets of DVD’s that you can purchase if you’re not lucky enough to live near her in Cali.

Her “Speaking Career in a Box” is 3 DVD’s and tells you how to take your skills as a stand-up and make a great living as a corporate speaker. That’s assuming of course that you DO have skills as a comedian! And if you don’t she can help you with that too! You can find out all about her at www.judycarter.com

Comic Bob Greenberg made a surprise 88th birthday party for Larry Storch at Gabe Waldman’s Stand-Up New York, and it was a really fun event. Larry was so surprised he actually screamed when he walked into the room. I was afraid for his heart. I ran into my old, old friend Rhonda Hansome who is back performing again, and the great Jerry Stiller got up and said a few words. Even the legendary boxer Jake LaMotta came out to honor Larry.

(L-R) 2nd row-Bob Greenberg, Larry Storch, and Dave Konig on the end and in the first row, Jerry Stiller and Jake Lamotta for Larry’s surprise party.

Joey Reynolds has a new TV show called All Night With Joey Reynolds. After so many years of doing a hit show on WOR talk radio, which I was honored to be on so many, many times, Joey got his own TV show on NBC New York Nonstop.

It’s shot in the ground floor studio in the NASDAQ building right on Broadway in the heart of Times Square, and you can see the show going on from the street. It’s very exciting and I was really happy to be asked to do the show.

Not only did I get a chance to talk about my comedy projects but I got a chance to talk about my cure for stuttering which I used to cure myself. I was a pretty severe stutterer. Joey always asks me about it because he finds it fascinating, and I am very grateful to get that information out to people who need it. Stuttering can be cured.

And now with the popularity of The King’s Speech, there’s a lot of attention being given to stuttering. I was on the show with the super-talented Steven Scott, NY1 film critic Neil Rosen, innovative school principal Anthony Albano, ( brother of the late Captain Lou!), and a few others.

(L-R_ Anthony Albano, Joey Reynolds, Steven Scott, Jeffrey, Neil Rosen on the set of All Night With Joey Reynolds.

Steven imitates not only people, but musical instruments so well that he played along with the band, using only his mouth. Sounds like a graduate of The Academy of Oral Skills!!! The show is Monday to Friday from midnight till 2 A.M.

Frank Chindamo of Fun Little Movies, is just racking up the awards and honors. He hosted the Comedy Hotshots panel at NATPE in Miami and also has his own show on Direct TV called “The MoShow-The Pursuit of App-iness. You can check that out on www.gomoshow.com

The Writer’s Guild Awards is always one of my favorite things to cover because Sherry Goldman is a pro and makes sure everything runs smoothly. I take my position at the end of the red carpet cause I can’t stand being squeezed into places, and I greet the celebs as they leave the carpet. It’s so much more comfortable that way.

Hosted by Kristen Schaal, it took place in the gorgeous lobby of the Equitable building, and I got to meet and interview so many cool people, including director John Waters, Jenny Lumet, Liz Brixius who created Nurse Jackie, Matthew Settle from Gossip Girl, Wayne Federman who wrote for the event, and Vincent Piazza who plays Lucky Luciano on HBO’s Boardwalk Empire, who said he really liked my scarf.

Jeffrey and his magical scarf, with Vincent Piazza at the WGA Awards in Manhattan.

It just so happens I often wear 3 scarves at the same time, but that’s a whole other story. I’m a big fan of Kristen’s and I tried e-mailing her to arrange a quick photo shoot, but maybe her e-mail changed cause I didn’t hear back from her.

I also ran into the ubiquitous Judah Friedlander who’s at as many places as I am. People often say to me, “ I see you everywhere” and I assure them that I’ll probably be in their apartment when they get home. One very gullible girl once said “ Really?” I assured her that I would!

But most important, I found my Comedy Matters Girl of the Month there. Her name is Angela Phillips and she is spectacular. You’ll be seeing her in an upcoming film by Alonzo Anderson, called Step Sisters. She’s a 5’3” ex-basketball player, who became a successful petite model, and actress and is the nicest person you could ever meet.

Comedy Matters Girl of the Month, Angela Phillips absolutely shocked at the size of Jeffrey’s pen!

She’s the regional director for Bella Petite Magazine, which caters to the petite modeling business. She’s also very humble, and the kind of person that when you meet them, you feel like you’ve known them forever. She has aspirations in comedy, and I’m looking forward to working with Angela on an upcoming project myself! Trust me, … you’ll be seeing a lot of Angela Phillips!

Madison Malloy and Andrew Schwartztol are running a new comedy show on Wednesdays at O’Casey’s on West 41st Street. It’s a great room and when I stopped by, one comic was late so I filled in and did a set. That was fun!

(L-R) Harrison Greenbaum, Andrew Schwartztol, Jeffrey Gurian, and Madison Malloy at O’Casey’s.

Jordan Ferber also has a great show and I went by to celebrate with him at the 2 year anniversary of his Thursday night show at Zinc Bar. Another “must see”!

Times Square Tidbits

They used to call James Brown the hardest working man in show biz. That title has now been taken by Dennis Gatti the one man show who runs the Times Square Comedy Club. When he’s not booking the shows you can find him behind the bar serving drinks. If he could, he’d take every table’s order, and even eat the food, and laugh at the jokes for you.

There are five showrooms of different size capacities, and Dennis runs from room to room making sure that everything is going as it should. He also has specialty shows like Manhattan Magic and the Ultimate Drag Off.

Dennis Gatti and Jeffrey at the Times Square Comedy Club.

As if that wasn’t enough, he also manages talent, and the night I was there I had the pleasant surprise of seeing a great talent he’s working with, Bobby Johnson.

People often say I know everyone in comedy, but every so often someone escapes my radar. Bobby has a multi-cultural background, and has done lots of TV and has been a regular on 98.7 Kiss FM’s morning show.

This guy made me laugh out loud and that’s hard to do. In comedy nobody laughs. They’re like, “ That’s funny”, but they don’t crack a smile. Bobby really made me laugh out loud.

His accents are great. His Latino accent rules, especially when he explains how all they want to do is dance, … even at a funeral. “Let’s dance!” But when he talked about how he hoped Arabs have to do the same thing in their airports as we have to do in ours, and mimed a guy unwrapping an Arab going through security, as if he was swathed in bandages, I totally lost it.

Bobby Johnson and Jeffrey at the Times Square Arts Center.

Nick Kroll On The Loose

Nick Kroll is a fixture on TV, and on the comedy circuit in general. You gotta love Nick Kroll. He’s written for Chapelle’s Show and Human Giant, performed at UCB on both coasts, on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, HBO’s The Life and Times of Tim, and is one half of the “Oh Hello” guys with his writing partner John Mulaney.

Nick creates memorable characters, like Fabrice Fabrice, craft services coordinator for the show “That’s So Raven”, El Chupacabre, and his newest character Bobby Bottleservice, plus he just aired his first Comedy Central special Thank You Very Cool!

Just before it aired I went to see Nick at a store down in Soho called The Hundreds, where he was doing a personal appearance. I also went to give Nick the script I wrote for The Key of Awesome comedy hoping he could star in it with Lauren Francesca. Fortunately he liked it, unfortunately he was on his way to Vegas and then back to LA.

Bobby Bottleservice and Jeffrey at The Hundreds.

However he did give me a signed Bobby Bottleservice poster on which he wrote, “To Jeff, U R the only person with better hair than me!” Bobby B. , and he gave me a Bobby Bottleservice T-shirt which was also very cool. What he gave me that I liked best was his friendship! Thank you, very cool!

Anyway, until next time, … remember, … Comedy Matters!!!

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