Posts Tagged Charlie Sheen Roast

Lisa Lampanelli Kills It At Westbury

Westbury Theatre out on Long Island holds about 2800 people. I know that because I co-produced a show there starring Kevin Hart back in 2010, and we filled the place. So did Lisa Lampanelli! I didn’t see an empty seat in the house.

A screenshot of Lisa Lampanelli on Jeffrey Ross’s show “The Burn”, which got mis-credited at the end as “The Bum”!

I had seen her the night before on Jeff Ross’s show on Comedy Central “The Burn”, and she was on with the very funny Anthony Jeselnik, whose new CD “Caligula”” just came out. It’s on my desk to be listened to the moment I have a free hour!(Does that even make sense, … the moment I have a free hour??? I might as well say ” The hour I have a free moment!!!”)

I TIVO’ed “The Burn” and at the end of the show, when it asks if you want to keep it or delete it, I noticed a typo on the credits! They called it “The Bum” instead of “The Burn”. I took pictures of it because I couldn’t believe it! See for yourself!

Tell me that doesn’t say “The Bum” with Jeff Ross! I have to Tweet this to Jeff!

I think she said it was her fifth time performing there, but it was her first time performing there as a thin woman! I’ll get into that later!

I drove out early so I could see her, and her husband Jimmy BB, before the show. Only really secure performers see people BEFORE the show! Most prefer to wait until after the show, but I think Lisa was leaving for another gig somewhere out of town the next day, and was leaving the theatre as soon as she was done, so she saw people before the show.

I went out there with my Chinese girlfriend Shu Lan, who Lisa would definitely call Ching Ping if she saw her in the audience, but in real life she would never say anything like that!

Shu Lan in the elevator on the way to see Lisa Lampanelli at Westbury!

For anyone who’s wondering, what Lisa does on stage does not match her offstage personna. She’s a sweet, loving person, but onstage she’s a human piranha who goes for blood! She lives up to her title, “The Loveable Queen of Mean!”

Lisa’s opening act is Mike Morse who’s very funny, and very easy going onstage. I guess people get used to performing for large crowds. The largest crowd I ever performed for was about 400 people, but I guess once you have enough experience, it doesn’t matter how many people are out there. Actually the more people, the more laughs you get, the louder it sounds, and the more it pumps you up!

The very funny Mike Morse, who opens for Lisa Lampanelli on the East Coast!

With 2800 people even if only 10% of them laughed at any particular joke, that’s still 280 people laughing which is a lot more people than you get in most comedy clubs!

Mike Morse made a lot of people laugh a lot of the time, with clever lines like, ” My wife and I decided we don’t want children. Unfortunately we already had two!”

Talking about how the people are in New Jersey he said he went to the hospital and told the nurse he wanted to give blood. She gave him a bucket and stabbed him in the neck!

On Chris Christie – A lot of people say he’s too fat to be President. I say he’s perfect for an oval office!

Talking about playing a club in Alabama where no one had teeth. He said one guy chewed on a potato chip for half an hour without breaking it!

And then he did an impression of his own penis when he has an orgasm. He said it looks like it has acid reflux, and then he acted it out! That was hysterical!

He ended on a really clever bit about a Martin Luther King Day commercial for used cars declaring things like ” Malcolm X-tra Savings”, and “We will overcome high prices”! He left the stage to huge applause.

Then Lisa came out and her audience was ready for her. You don’t go to a Lisa Lampanelli concert without knowing what you’re gonna get, unless you were brought there by friends who really should have prepared you!

The very thin Lisa Lampanelli performing to a sold-out crowd at Westbury! I have a feeling she doesn’t even know how thin she looks!

She saw an Asian woman in front and said ” Ching Ping, (which could have been my gf!), what kind of Gook are you???

She talked about her experiences on Celebrity Apprentice, especially with her best girlfriend Clay Aiken, who at one point took offense to some of her jokes about him, like the only thing “Aiken about him was his ass!”

She said that Lady Gaga was making a perfume that smelled like a combination of sperm and blood, and followed that up by saying, if she wanted to smell sperm and blood she’d punch Clay Aiken in the mouth! The audience howled with laughter at almost everything she said!

Luckily for her there was one Black guy in the front row, there with a white girl, and luckily for him, he had a great sense of humor! Lisa said there was a blackout in Connecticut, then added, ” Thank G-d they caught him!”

Lisa mentioned lots of people. Like Zsa Zsa Gabor, when she lost her leg, Lisa Tweeted, ” Zsa Zsa is selling her home. It’s 28,000 feet, which is 27,999 feet more than she has!” She claims that Zsa Zsa loved the joke!

She said she started sweating more than Jerry Sandusky at a cub scout meeting! In talking about “The Situation” from Jersey Shore, and about how badly he bombed at the Charlie Sheen Roast even though he thought he did well, she said he was as useless as a tampon at Betty White’s house!

Chaz Bono- She said most women get plastic surgery to look like eye candy. Chaz got plastic surgery to look like John Candy!

And she didn’t spare herself! When answering someone who asked about her dramatic weight loss of over 100 pounds she said,” I was lucky enough to get AIDS and cancer at the same time!” That’s so sick it’s funny, and the audience thought so too!

Actually she and her husband Jimmy both had weight-loss surgery. He told her to go first and if she survived he’d do it too. They look fantastic as you can see in this photo!

Lisa Lampanelli and husband Jimmy Cannizzaro, two little stringbeans, backstage at Westbury!

Lisa also did great impressions of Donald Trump, Lou Ferrigno and her Twitter enemy Dog The Bounty Hunter’s wife Beth.

Besides Shu Lan I also brought my new book ” Make ‘Em Laugh” which Lisa is in bigtime! I had brought her a copy when I went to watch her rehearsal for the Broadway show she’s creating, but for some reason I didn’t get a photo with her that day. This night we took a couple!

Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV holding Jeffrey’s new book ” Make ‘Em Laugh” that Lisa is in with an in-depth interview about how she got her start!

When I asked for a second photo as a “safety” this is what I got! (LOLOL)

She’s an amazing talent and if you have not seen her yet, make sure you do! Just don’t bring your elderly parents! (LOL) (Unless they have a will, you’re the beneficiary, and you stand to get lots of money!!! LOLOL)

www.HyperSmash.com

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Lisa Lampanelli, "Loveable Queen of Mean" Comes To Westbury

In the comedy world where backbiting and jealousy are so rampant, its nice to be able to feel happy for someone’s success. With Lisa Lampanelli I get that opportunity all the time. Lisa is a comedy superstar, who I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for many years now.

Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey Gurian at The Friars Club for Lisa’s singing debut!

I knew her when she was about 100 pounds heavier and as she lost weight over the years I sometimes worried that it might affect her career. If it did, it was only for the better, because now not only is she just hysterically funny, but she is also an inspiration for people who want to change their lives.

Lisa Lampanelli and Jeffrey Gurian back in the day, circa 2002!

It doesn’t take much incentive to stay the way you are. Anyone can do that. But to take your current situation and decide that you’ve had enough of living like that, and decide to make a change is a rare and admirable trait. Most people don’t do it. I did it in my own life, as a former severe stutterer, whose speech could easily have kept me from accomplishing anything in my life that had to do with speaking, which is just about everything!

Instead I drew on some inner strength I didn’t know I had, and by focussing all of my energy, and refusing to continue my life as a stutterer, I was able to conquer that “disability”, and go on to do many things where I use my speech in public, like appearing on radio and TV, performing, and addressing large crowds of people, none of which I would ever have done as a stutterer.

Lisa did that by having the courage and determination to change her appearance into the rich, glamorous woman she is today, and I’m sure she’s still pleasantly surprised every time she looks in the mirror, which I hope is a lot these days! (LOL)

The new and improved Lisa Lampanelli, post weight-loss surgery! What an amazing transformation! Photo by Andrew Coppa.

She and her handsome husband Jimmy Cannizzaro, who has gone from looking like a building with clothes to just a garden apartment with clothes,
(and I mean that only in the best way!) (LOL) have done it together. It would have been too weird for just one of them to go through such a drastic change.

Jimmy Cannizzaro and Lisa Lampanelli at the Donald Trump Roast before they both went through their dramatic transformations!

Now her comedy is a whole other thing. She’s known as “The Loveable Queen of Mean”, which is a perfect title for her, as opposed to the “Queen of Mean” title that Leona Helmsley carried. It’s very fitting in Lisa’s case since in my mind she does a very important public service beyond making people laugh. She allows people to laugh at themselves before they laugh at each other.

Very few comics can do that, and the reason she can is because she comes from a place of love. You know that there’s no hatred in her heart for any ethnic group or sexual persuasion, which is why her comedy is so popular with every group. Russell Peters does something similar which is why I refer to him as “The Messiah of Comedy”. His audience is completely multi-ethnic, and within moments he has every group laughing at themselves and each other.

People can sense where you’re coming from when you say something and with Lisa they know it’s all in fun. This Friday, Jan, 18th she brings her unique talents to Westbury Theatre. I can’t wait to go and see her. When I spoke to her earlier this week she had this to say:

“I can’t wait to come back to Westbury Music Fair or whatever the f- that venue is calling itself today. Actually, when I play there, they should just call it the ‘T&A Theatre.’ No, that’s not short for ‘Tits & Ass.’ It’s short for Terrorizing and Antagonizing, which is what I do best! But for some reason people seem to be able to take it, and the people of Long Island are some of the best at that!”

The world needs Lisa Lampanelli. There’s too much Political Correctness and instead of bring people together, by making them respect each other, (which I think may have been the original intention), it’s actually divided people by making every group hypersensitive to the remarks of others. Lisa helps to break down those barriers and in doing so is doing a tremendous public service!

Lisa is also in my new book Make ‘Em Laugh” with Chris Rock about the 35 year history of the legendary comedy club “The Comic Strip” for which she gave me such a cool interview!

Jeffrey Gurian and Lisa Lampanelli the day Lisa did the interview for Jeffrey’s book ” Make ‘Em Laugh”!

She’s even part of my ” Dancing With Comedians” series of photos, of which very few comics have made the cut!

Jeffrey Gurian dancing with Lisa Lampanelli as part of his rare “Dancing With Comedians” photo series!

I can’t wait to see her at Westbury and then again at The Apollo at the end of the month! More on that to come!

For Westbury tickets, you can go to:

Ticketmaster — more specifically, http://concerts.livenation.com/event/00004957D54AC7A0?crosssite=TM_US:909543:141

Or you can get tickets on Lisa’s website, which is also cool to experience, at http://www.insultcomic.com

No matter how you do it, just do it and look for me there, and come say “Hi!” If you don’t see me, it just means I’m backstage taking photos! (LOL)

www.HyperSmash.com

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Lisa Lampanelli Postpones Her First Anniversary Celebration With Husband’s Blessing

You know that saying, ” Behind every successful woman is a great man?” Don’t blame yourself if you never heard of it, I just made it up, but in Lisa Lampanelli’s case it’s true.

Lisa Lampanelli is a dear friend of mine, and one of the few to be in my “Dancing With Comedians” series of photos. A couple of the others were Phil Hartman and Gilbert Gottfried. Mostly men for some reason! (LOL)

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV dancing with Lisa Lampanelli as part of his rare “Dancing With Comedians” series!

Lisa’s husband, Jimmy Cannizzaro, or Jimmy Big Balls as Lisa affectionately calls him, has a security company, Canno Security, and is Lisa’s road manager. You HAVE to feel secure around Jimmy. He’s a huge, imposing individual, who is the quintessential “gentle giant”! The only people who wouldn’t feel secure around Jimmy are the kind of people who would try to ruin your evening. Those people would feel very INSECURE around Jimmy. To say he could be intimidating would be a gross understatement. He looks like he could take a bite out of a desk! I once saw him throw a guy out of a club with his eye! Just picked him up with his eye and tossed him out! (LOL)

Lisa Lampanelli and her husband Jimmy “Big Balls” Cannizzaro at the after-party for the Donald Trump Roast!

I see Jimmy a lot at Gotham Comedy Club, where he makes sure that everyone stays in line. He told me that even though their actual one year anniversary is this coming weekend, Oct. 2nd, he and Lisa were going to celebrate tonight. He even had tickets for a Broadway show, but she suddenly got a call from Whitney Cummings yesterday, to fly out to LA to do a guest spot on her new NBC sit-com the very next day, and he told her to go ahead, because they could always celebrate when she got back, but guest spots on hot shows don’t come along that often! That’s the kind of partner a show business person needs. Someone understanding.

No one should ever have to make the choice between taking an important gig or insulting your significant other! It’s not fair. In show biz you have to be where they need you to be when they need you, or else you miss out! Too many showbiz people wind up with partners who don’t understand that.

I’m a big fan of Whitney Cummings. I hadn’t really been aware of her until I started seeing her on the Roasts, and I was very impressed. First by her appearance, because there are very few such attractive women performing comedy. I was not surprised to find out she had been a model! They make fun of her relentlessly at the Roasts and she takes it in good stride because she’s obviously comfortable with her appearance! She also has a gorgeous smile, and I say that both personally and professionally, as I used to be a Cosmetic Dentist! I know great teeth when I see them!

Plus I’m a good judge of beauty, as Lisa Lampanelli referred to in the video interview I did with her recently when she made her singing debut at The Friars Club in NYC. She was preparing for her upcoming Broadway show tentatively titled “Bring Back The Fat Chick”, in which she’ll talk about her lief and her life-long battle with food and her weight!

She said that over the years she always sees me with hot, gorgeous women, and like many other people to whom I have not felt the need to explain, she wanted to know how I was able to get so many extraordinary women.

With Lisa it was different. I explained to her that I feel sorry for beautiful women because most men are intimidated by them and are afraid to ask them out. For that reason, many beautiful women are lonely. That makes me sad! That’s why when I see a beautiful woman, I go out of my way to be friendly and pay attention to them! And the more beautiful they are, the nicer I am to them! I feel it’s the least I can do! (LOL) Someone has to date them, … it may as well be ME!!! She agreed!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with Lisa Lampanelli at The Friars Club in NYC!

Whitney Cummings is that rare breed of beauty who can also be very funny, and let it all hang out, like Chelsea Handler, and not worry about losing their femininity! The first time I ever met Chelsea Handler was at Carolines and she was doing BJ jokes with her father in the audience. That took balls! And I knew right then and there that she was destined for stardom. Not just because of her choice of material, but because of her stage presence, and the confidence it took to do that kind of material and not be shook by the fact that her father was there!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV with the beautiful and funny Chelsea Handler at Carolines Comedy Club back in 2005!

Needless to say, I was right, and Chelsea is at the top with her own show, Chelsea Lately, for quite a while now!

Jimmy told me that Lisa liked the interview I did with her so much that she showed it to Whitney, and Whitney loved it! Maybe now I’ll get to do a similar one with Whitney! How cool would that be? ( Rhetorical question, not requiring an answer! LOL )

Whitney has her own show “Whitney” on NBC, Thursdays at 9:30, and is Exec. Producer of “2 Broke Girls” on CBS. She’s definitely working it, and I’m looking forward to seeing her in the nurse’s uniform she’s wearing in the pilot! When I ran into her in Montreal, she was dressed exactly like her co-star Chris D’Elia described her. He said for the last 5 years that he knows her, every single day all she wears is a hoodie. Check out the photo below!

Whitney Cummings flashing her beautiful smile in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency Hotel, at the Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal!

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Lisa Lampanelli Videos of Her Singing Debut At The Friars Club

I’ve been a Friar for many years. So when my good friend Lisa Lampanelli informed me that she would be making her singing debut at the club I was, … needless to say, very excited. ( It may have been needless to say, but I said it anyway! )

Jeffrey Gurian of #ComedyMattersTV with Lisa Lampanelli at The Friars Club in NY!C

So I was able to get exclusive inside footage with Lisa where we discussed everything from her upcoming Broadway show, tentatively titled “Bring Back The Fat Chick”, to people feeling left out, how she got started as an insult comic, hecklers, cruelty, why I’m not the same as most other Black comics, and all kinds of interesting things.

Lisa Lampanelli on stage at The Friars Club looking rightfully proud of her great performance!

Get to see Lisa how she really is. The video is in two parts cause it’s really too good for just one!

Part 1 –

Part 2 –

Please watch and leave a comment, and send it around to your peeps! And make sure to check out the previous post with all the Lisa Lampanelli photos at this link right here!

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Lisa Lampanelli Makes Her Singing Debut At The Friars Club In NYC

In a departure from the kind of performance she’s known for and that brought her great fame, Lisa Lampanelli is changing her tune, … literally! In preparation for a one woman show on Broadway, that she is writing with famed comedy writer Alan Zweibel, ( the very same Alan Zweibel that gave me my start in the biz! ) Lisa has been practicing her singing.

Jeffrey Gurian with Lisa Lampanelli at The Friars Club just before her singing debut!

Jeffrey Gurian with Alan Zweibel at the Friars Roast of Jerry Lewis back in 2006!

The show should be ready in the Fall of 2012, and has the working title of “Bring Back The Fat Chick”, which is a reference to a great story as to how she got started doing insult comedy. She did a set at a show and the set went great. The next comic didn’t do so well and some guy in the audience yelled out, “Bring back the fat chick”, probably thinking in his mindless stupidity that he was offering up a compliment!

All Lisa heard was “fat chick” and it got her so annoyed she went home and wrote ” 15 pages of jokes insults and retorts to hecklers!” After that she became an insult comic. She says she’s grateful to that guy to this day, but hopes he’s dead anyway! (LOL) Lisa Lampanelli can say ANYTHING and get away with it. Very few people have that gift! It’s cause she has a beautiful heart and comes from a good place and people can tell the difference!

At a Friars event in her honor that I attended, along with her parents, she referred to her Mom as the “C” word, and her Dad as “an old deaf bastard!” To their credit, both of her parents were hysterical laughing.

Lisa Lampanelli flanked by her parents at an event at The Friars Club in her honor!

So for her singing debut, she did two songs at the legendary Friars Club on what they call “Diva Night.” In an evening produced by Randie Levine-Miller, Lisa joined the ranks of Broadway songstresses, and belted out two funny numbers that go along perfectly with who she is.

Producer Randie Levine-Miller getting ready to introduce Lisa Lampanelli as part of Diva Night at The Friars Club!

They were parodies written by her friend and opening act Mike Morse, who probably has no idea that he’s supposed to be gay! (LOL) Boy will he be shocked! In her early days, Lisa only used gay comics as her opening acts, so unless she changed her ways entirely, he will have to become gay! He also appeared in a little funny sketch she did as a Jimmy Olsen-style old time reporter, who introduced himself as “Brown from the Sun.” I absolutely love silly jokes like that! And he shares a desk with a guy named Al Bumin!

Lisa Lampanelli rehearsing for Jeffrey Gurian in the grand lobby of the famed Friars Club of NYC!

The first song parody was about her addiction to food, because Lisa is very honest about everything, but especially about her struggle with food and her weight. It was written to the tune of ” I’m Just A Girl Who Can’t Say No” from Oklahoma.

Lisa Lampanelli singing her little heart out at The Friars Club in NYC!

The second one was a parody called ” I Don’t Wanna Insult No More”, to the tune “Show Off” from The Drowsey Chaperone! They were both perfect vehicles for her, and she did great! I didn’t know what to expect, but I had the confidence in Lisa to know that if she was going to do something she was going to give it her all, and do it well.

I was honored that she asked me to come and tape her performance, and do an in depth video interview, which you will all be seeing very shortly! Contrary to what some unenlightened people might think, Lisa is about inclusion. The theme of her show will be her lifelong struggles with weight control,and I have to say she looks fantastic. I’ve known her for years, and she’s lost a ton of weight and developed a glamorous appearance. Fame, money and self-esteem will do that for you!

Jeffrey Gurian of Comedy Matters TV and his good pal Lisa Lampanelli AFTER her singing debut, and their video interview at The Friars Club!

Lisa’s husband Jimmy Cannizzaro is a great guy, who I see very often helping control the crowds at Gotham Comedy Club. Trust me, no one would mess with this guy. He’s basically a building with clothing! He looks like he could take a bite out of a desk! But he’s one of those guys they describe as “a gentle giant”! You can tell he has a heart of gold. He was telling me about their wedding which took place at The Friars Club last October of 2010.

Lisa Lampanelli and her husband Jimmy Cannizzaro, otherwise affectionately known as Jimmy Big Balls by his loving wife Lisa!

They deserve a lot of Happiness, and I’m proud to say they’re friends of mine, and supporters of Comedy Matters! Video coming soon!!!

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Amy Schumer On Curb, and Voted One of Top Ten Comics To Watch in Montreal

As far as I’m concerned,(and no one actually know how far that is!), it’s an accepted fact that Amy Schumer is on her way to doing very big things in comedy. She already has, as a matter of fact. She’s the darling of Comedy Central, she’s on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm tonight, and will be performing on the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen on Monday Sept. 19th. And I think she’s GREAT!

Jeffrey Gurian and Amy Schumer in their Abercrombie and Fitch shoot at Gotham Comedy Club!

When I saw her recently at the 29th annual Just For Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal, which is the biggest and most famous comedy festival in the world, she was voted by Variety as one of the Top 10 Comics To Watch.

Jeffrey Gurian with Amy Schumer in pearls, at a comedy event at Gotham!

She was a finalist on Last Comic Standing, and recently released “Cutting” on Comedy Central Records, which I have a feeling is not about cutting school! She did a comedy special for Comedy Central Presents in the Spring of 2010, and just filmed a movie with Steve Carell called “Seeking A Friend For The End of the World.”

The cover photo of Amy Schumer on her Comedy Central album "Cutting." Really hot!

She’s got a recurring role on Adult Swim’s mocumentary series “Delocated”, and has performed on both “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon”, and ” John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show.”

Amy mixes funny and sexy and her lines are very clever. What’s nice, from a comedy writer’s point of view, is that they’re not predictable. That to me is real talent!

I love writing about Amy and watching her star rise. She’s in my sizzle reel and in the little video with Jon Stewart, Kristen Schaal, Louis CK, Lisa Lampanelli, Colin Quinn, Richard Lewis, and more on “Who Watches Comedy Matters”.(Below)


When I caught up with Amy in Montreal we shot this cool little video with our mutual friend, and fellow comic fave Anthony Jeselnik. Check it out here!

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